My Non-Existant Fanbase

I'm writing this for more than one reason.

One is that, hooray! My blog is celebrating it's 100th hit!

So, thank you for those views which are mostly from Russia.

You get this in return.

But what I really came here to talk about is...

A couple of comments posted right on this very blog. By the time this is being read, they'll be deleted but I wanted to make sure that they would be written about and remembered forever.

Now, the alleged poster goes by the user name George Smith, which judging by the fact that it's also his name on his Google+ account, I'm guessing is legit.

Here's the comment

If you can't read that it says: "The one thing that would make this blog even close to readable would be the addition of Helicopter penis."

Also known as Penis-Copter or Helicockter

It's a bit of an odd coincidence that I was going to write a blog post about Penis-Copters but due to this comment I guess it's too late for that. A Penis-Copter is just a remote controlled helicopter that looks like a dong. You can see how in the picture, the ballsack is the body of the aircraft and the shaft is the

tail-fin. That picture is of Gary Kasparov from a press conference in Russia when he was ambushed by one of these phallic aircrafts. Hm, that's twice I've gotten pictures from Russia in this post...

But that's besides the point.

The point is is that this comment seems to serve no purpose whatsoever. There certainly wasn't anything even remotely related to Helicopter Dicks. It seems like an odd complaint. If I'd mentioned a Penis-Copter without  including a picture, that would be inexcusable but I didn't, so this complaint makes very little sense to me. I also don't understand why the exclusion of penis shaped helicopters would make the post unreadable. I used perfect grammar and sentence structure... Maybe George doesn't speak very good English?

This comment was followed up by this link.

http://24.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lw2ry4XTVx1r83hpeo1_400.gif

I'm not entirely sure I'm even going to talk about that link at all just so I can make you, cautious viewer, even more curious as to what that link is.

I think that George is having trouble keeping his mind off of penises. I mean, why would he post dicks in a completely unrelated blog post. Poor George Smith.

Well, there's nothing I can do for him so here's another picture of Russia.

So... Sequels

Alright, I'm getting really tired of this..

Some times, a movie should just remain a movie. Not every plots needs a follow up. Some times, where the last film left off is perfect, and you walk away with just the right feeling

Unfortunately, Hollywood doesn't see it this way.

As far as Hollywood is concerned, whatever made money last time should work just as well when there's a higher number stuck on the end of the title. I feel like the horror genre suffers most greatly from this.

I've already talked about the Saw movies and how those sequels could've been handled much better.

There weren't enough severed limbs in the first movie.

But this is far from being a rare case. Let's take one that's happening right now.

You've all seen Paranormal Activity right? Now, I've got nothing against this movie. I loved it. I'm a fan of Blair Witch inspired, found footage movies. The movie works by showing you so little. You never actually see the demon, it's never even established that what the thing is is, in fact, a demon. All of that mystery makes the movie work really well.

Well, since the first was such a commercial success, they just had to make a sequel. Like any sequel they felt they tried to outdo the previous and for PA that means upping the number of cameras. I'll admit, I did like it. At first I thought it was going to be a completely unrelated incident but it ended up being a prequel to the first movie. I'm glad that it didn't end up being a complete repeat of the first movie, but I'm not so sure if it even needed to be made. Well, I thought at the very least it'd be the end of it but...

Really? A third one? I'll be honest, I never got around to seeing this, but I know enough about it. It's another prequel, as if going forward just makes too much sense.

Of course not.

Well, anyway, it was a trilogy. So, that's fine. It's not like they'll...

Wat

Four? Is that a joke? Four? What could this possibly be about? They already did two prequels! Everyone by the end of the first one is dead! What could this possibly be about? And of course the tagline says, "All the activity has lead to this." That is such a cliche tag-... okay, look. All of these sequels demystify the original. There's too much exposition in these films. I liked it better when it was just a creepy thing. Whatever. As far as over exposition goes, this series isn't that bad.

Not at all like...

This poor series.

This series was just a sad rape. We all know how it goes. It starts out just with an escaped crazy who kills off the babysitters for God knows why. It was so creepy how there was no motive, no rhyme or reason. Just the mute killer known as Michael Myers.

Nope

But there's not enough time to delve into that sad anthology.

Back to what I was saying about sequels, sometimes I feel like it's just way too obviously a ploy to get more money. If something was successful, just do it again. The worst part about movies like this, is that they always make tons of money, so it only further convinces Hollywood that doing this is a good idea.

Really? Taken 2? Couldn't they at least have had the damn decency to call it something better? Taken 2 sounds terrible. Don't get me wrong, I loved the first movie. It was great, but that's no reason to make another one. It's just not the sort of plot that needs a sequel.

After all of this...

You probably think I hate sequels. I don't always hate sequels, sometimes it's fun to see the characters you already know in another film. James Bond movies are awesome and I'll always cough up to see another 007 flick. What I'm against is raping plot out of movies that stand alone.

Good God, all that ranting and I didn't even touch remakes yet. Perhaps that'll be another time.

Which Fantasy World Would I Like to Live In?

I was cruising around the internet this afternoon when this image popped up.

Which world would I want to live in? Well, I'm leaning towards none of them.

I'll go through one by one and explain why.

-Sure wouldn't want to live in the Avatar timeline with all that war going on.

-Bleach takes place on Earth presently, so there wouldn't be much change there.

-Minecraft? Having no one? Anywhere? Forever? Sounds great.

-Yes, I'm sure it would be great fun to live in League of Legends a world full of sad virgins and not a single female to speak of.

-Metroid? That's kind of broad. Is it referring to living as Samus? Because that'd actually be pretty badass if you don't mind constantly having to kill horrific alien bugs every day.

-Oh yeah, I'm sure it'd be tons of fun living in the zombie apocalypse world of Resident Evil.

-Death Note? Again, that wouldn't change much assuming we're just living in that world and not taking on the lives of the characters in which case, that'd suck because we'd die.

-Ah, yes, living in the forgotten world of Digimon would only make me wish I was living in Poke'mon.

-Silent Hill? Are you shitting me?

-The alien apocalyptic world of Halo must be great fun.

-Dr. Who might be fun if that world didn't suck so much that it was painful.

-Dragonball Z, I'll admit, would be awesome assuming you got to be a Z fighter. If not, have fun dying on a daily basis along with the rest of humanity.

-Final Fantasy would actually be pretty chill.

-I'm sure that living in the world of Devil May Cry, which is literally Hell, would be a blast.

-Gundam. Again. Interstellar space war. No good.

-I'm assuming this would mean being a wizard in the Harry Potter timeline. As long as you're lucky enough to exist after the movies, it'd be great.

-The Sims? Why is this even on here?

-To live in Mario's world is like the end of Skyrim where it's just endless fetch quests. If you like that, you'd love it here.

-The post apocalyptic world of Half-Life would be awesome, I'm sure.

-Naruto suffers the same fate as Dr.Who in which it might be okay if it wasn't atrocious.

-Mortal Kombat? Being forced to do battle and then die horribly would be fantastic. Sign me up.

-Living in the pirate run world of One Piece doesn't seem ideal.

-Poke'mon would be the shit.

-You could live in the world of the Power Rangers but you'd have to deal with getting more embarrassing year after year.

-The Elder Scrolls seems really broad. It doesn't do anything to specify a timeline which makes it hard to say weather or not I'd want to live there considering how diverse it's history is. I'm going to guess by the emblem there that it's referring to Skyrim, in which case I'd have to turn it down. Giant civil war? Dragons constantly attacking? Yeah, sounds great.

-Sonic? Does it mean to live as Sonic or just to live in Sonic's world? I don't think either would be that fun.

-Star Trek might be interesting granted you're not a redshirt.

-Star Wars. Yet again. Interstellar war only this time it's in the fucking name. I feel like this should be obvious.

-Narnia would be fine if it weren't for all of the WAR.

-Touhou? I'll be honest, I have no idea what that is.

-I really wish this thing was more specific. If I were to live in the Ninja Turtle world who would I be? One of the turtles? Splinter? My own, new turtle? Which generation would I be in? The blood soaked original, the 80's version or the 90's version? Maybe one of the live action ones? Who knows? If I were just a human in that world, again, I don't think there'd be much difference.

-Fullmetal Alchemist! Now there's a world. Too bad it's shaken by constant war and conflict.

-I think Yu-Gi-Oh would suffer the same fate as Digimon.

-I'm afraid I've never heard of Vampire Knight...

-Lord of the Rings could be good depending on who you are, but for the most part I feel like it'd just be like living in the dark ages... and the dark ages suck.

-You can't just say, The Legend of Zelda and think we're going to know what you're talking about. This has a more diverse timeline than TMNT or The Elder Scrolls, so I have simply no idea when or where I'd end up by stepping into this world. Judging by the emblem I could guess that it's referring specifically to The Ocarina of Time, which would mean you'd have at least seven miserable years to deal with. If you don't mind that, The Legend of Zelda is for you.

-I figured Soul Eater would be on here somewhere simply because it has a recognizable emblem. If you're a typical human in Soul Eater you wouldn't notice any difference. Being a weapon-meister or simply a weapon, which is what I'm guessing this chart was suggesting, might be okay. You'd just have to not mind having to save the world and all that.

-Really? My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic? I'll admit, living in this timeline would be ten times more preferable than most of these others, as long as you don't get stuck being a stupid earth pony, which would suck.

-I have no idea what it would be like to live in Spyro's world. I'm guessing being a dragon would be pretty neat being able to breathe fire (and nothing else, mind you, those later games don't count for shit) and fly, but Spyro doesn't have much semblance of a civilization established. You just fly from world to world... So, it's pretty hard to say for this one.

-I'm assuming this is referring to the cartoon rather than those God-awful Michael Bay abominations. Being a transformer might be cool if it weren't for the never ending conflict. Being a human would suck because you'd be cursed to be petty and absurdly annoying.

-I'm not entirely sure what Gurren Lagann is...

-Lastly, we have Kingdom Hearts which, honestly wouldn't be much different from Final Fantasy. So, yeah, I bet it'd be pretty good.

Well, that's my cynical over-analyzation for today. In the end, I'd probably stay right where I was. Well, maybe I'd go into Poke'mon.