Top 10 Giant Monster Movies That Are Not Godzilla

With the 31st Godzilla film slated for release this coming May and all of the hype that's surrounding it, it can be easy to forget that Godzilla is not the only monster to have stomped through a cityscape, spreading mass hysteria and mayhem. So let's give the king of the monsters a rest and pay homage to some of the other behemoths. The rule is that the attacker has to be giant and the film has to be set, at least partially, within the confines of a populated area. This is Top 10 Giant Monster Movies That Are Not Godzilla.

10. Cloverfield

The film that's partially responsible for popularizing the found-footage genre again, Cloverfield is kind of a take on how the 1998 American Godzilla should've been, e.g. not Godzilla. Not that there's anything wrong with him but if you're going to take a preexisting series and adapt it, you have to do it right or just do something new. Cloverfield is something new. A giant monster movie that manages to be wholly unlike most others, in that, this monster is hardly seen at all, at least not clearly. The posters and trailers were all deliberately elusive to the appearance of the thing, but I doubt that most people expected that the actual film would be too. Not only that but the film is highly stylistic, at least it was for the time, whereas, were it made now it'd be accused of jumping on the found-footage bandwagon. It's got just the right amount of new mixed with just the right amount of old and it works.

9. War of the Gargauntuas

Let's just skip over the incredibly convoluted backstory to this one and just talk about why it's great. First of all, it was made by the one and only Toho, the same film studio that made all of the Godzilla films. This particular one is actually a sequel to the movie Frankenstein vs. Baragon, though it's not necessary to see that for War of the Gargantuas to make sense (and like I said, let's just not get into it). This one is about two giant ape-like monsters who can't agree over whether or not they should be killing people, so they beat the shit out of each other for a good 40 minutes. One of the things that makes this movie so great is that the costumes the actors wear are not nearly as bulky as many of the more elaborate ones from other Toho films, making the actual brawling more intense. It's also interesting to note is that this film has seen a fair amount of references for being the obscure foreign film that it is. One in particular is from the show Scooby Doo: Mystery Incorporated (which is also known as Horror References That Kids Won't Understand), in an episode titled Battle of the Humungonauts, which is essentially just a parody the entire time. However, it's the pretitle sequence that stands out as they perfectly spoof the awful musical segment of the film that features a woman in a yellow dress doing a very poor job at singing the song "Feel In My Heart (The Words Get Stuck In My Throat)". When I caught that reference, I thought I may have been the only person ever to have made the connection.

8. Super 8

I would like to point out that it was completely fucking unintentional that this film ended up in the eighth spot. This one was directed by J.J. Abrams and produced by Steven Spielberg and, all things considered, passed through the theaters without a ton of attention. I think that the best thing this film has going for it, is that it's cliche at the same time as it's completely new. It's set in 1979 and it's style and preteen "gang" brings to mind favorites like The Goonies, which I would guess was a very intentional connection. The only major complaint that I have there is that the CG that is used is off-putting and only serves to remove the viewer from the time when present. It's also a bit like Cloverfield in that the monster isn't actually seen much. Rather it's the likable characters that drive the film from beginning to end and make it fully worth the watch.

7. Reptilicus

Mother. Fucking. Reptilicus. This Danish monster is really only on this list because it's almost the quintessential classic monster flick. This fucking guy is a motherfucking puppet and the film is literally just him fucking shit up. How much more badass can you get than that? None.

6. The Lost World

Based upon the 1912 Arthur Conan Doyle novel of the same name, The Lost World was a landmark of special effects in motion pictures (pulled off by none other than Willis O'Brien) and, being released in 1925, it predates even legendary monster movie pioneers such as King Kong. While much of the film does take place on a mysterious island where dinosaurs roam free, explorers who have only just discovered the place, decide to take one of the beasts, a brontosaurus, back to civilization with them in order to show it off. Not surprisingly, it breaks loose and raises hell all over the city. By today's standards it's nothing unique, but back then, nothing like this picture had ever before been seen. If you can put yourself in the time, this is one to watch.

5. Them!

Okay, so I may be cheating here because Them is a film about multiple giant monsters instead of just one, but this movie is so great that it deserves to be made an exception. Them is as simple as the title, just a flick about radioactive giant ants and the humans who want to get rid of them. But what makes this particular movie stand out against the many other similar-plotted b-movies that Hollywood was making at the time, was that it was paced remarkably well. Generally in these types of movies, any talking just seems like petty filler, but here it's all about the set-up. Sure it's not exactly a scary film, but the anticipation is in waiting for the killer ant action and finding out how the humans plan to quell the insect menace. I promise that this one is worth it.

4. The Blob

Of course when I say The Blob, I'm referring to the original 1958 version, starring the 28 year old Steve Mcqueen as a high-schooler. This film is just so classic that it hardly even needs to be mentioned. With a monster so delightfully simple as just a blob, it's easy to imagine how this movie came to be so iconic. The interesting thing is that the Blob itself actually starts out quite small but before anyone could do anything about it, it's swallowing up entire Diners. Despite being quite cliche and sporting one of, if not, the worst child actors I've ever seen in a film, it's a lighthearted crowd pleaser that is always entertaining.

3. Jurassic Park: The Lost World

Not to be confused with the aforementioned Arthur Conan Doyle film, The Lost World, about a team of scientists who take a dinosaur off of an island where dinosaurs roam free and bring it back to a city where it escapes and wreaks havoc, Michael Crichton's Jurassic Park: The Lost World is a film about a team of scientists who take a dinosaur off of an island where dinosaurs roam free and bring it back to a city where it escapes and wreaks havoc. Although the film has little to do with the superior novel that it cites as it's source material, it's still an enjoyable movie in it's own right and the T-Rex breaking loose in the middle of downtown San Diego is a great scene to this day.

2. King Kong

King Kong needs no introduction. He's the eighth wonder of the world, hauled into New York, New York from the distant Skull Island. The classic tale of beauty and the beast, King Kong is a time tested milestone of cinema that holds up to this day. Not much to say about it that hasn't already been said but if you haven't already see it, I would get on that if I were you.

1. Gamera 2: The Advent of Legion

So what could possibly top the legendary King Kong? Gamera, that's what. Before you get all huffy and start reaching for that keyboard, let me explain. King Kong is indisputably the better film no matter what angle you look at it from and it's the one that will continue to go down in history while Gamera won't. But when it comes to the category of monster films, when I want to see a city get destroyed or have to monsters duke it out with hapless skyscrapers caught in the crossfire, I'll turn to Gamera. The giant, fanged turtle with rocket boosters who beats the living hell out of whomever feels like fucking with Earth. After a series spanning the 60's to the 80's ended, Gamera was resurrected and now he's kicking alien ass and looking more badass than ever while doing it (who would've thought that a turtle could be so badass?). This new trilogy was almost gritty and much more geared to adults in stark contrast to the originals and this particular one is by far the best in my opinion. The plot is pretty straightforward when a hive of bug-like monsters land on earth, how else but, via meteor. What I love about this is that it's not just one big monster that Gamera has to fight but a whole swarm. Of course, the big bad guy rears it's ugly head sooner or later and it does not disappoint. This thing simply cannot be described so you'll just have to watch the movie to get any idea of what it is. With amazing conventional special effects, incredible monster battles, some insane character designs and a human cast that does more than just take up space, this is a monster movie that you'd have to be crazy to miss.

The Crow

The darkest film in recent memory, The Crow, despite it's stylish appearances, is actually not an indie film. It's also probably one of the most black metal movies in existence, complete with tight leather, corpse face paint, ceremonial knives, gothic churches, angst, a fucklot of rain and a fucklot of night (all it needs is some Burzum). While it does come off as a somber and grim film, it manages to stay from bleakness and depression and doesn't leave the viewer unhappy.

The story goes that on October 30th (that's right, another Halloween film) some gang members are running about Detroit committing random crimes, as is the tradition of the annual Devil's Night. They break in upon a random, unsuspecting couple, who as fate would have it were to be married the next day, and brutally murder both of them. Skip ahead a year, and the murdered man, Eric Draven is awakened from his eternal slumber by a crow that alights upon his headstone. One of the interesting things that happens here is that Eric comes back delirious and totally confused and he stumbles after the crow through some rainy alleyways before he manages to make it back to his destroyed apartment where he recalls the events that led to his death. He cuts his hands on some glass only to watch as they immediately heal before his eyes in a Wolverine inspired way. He then dons his freakish face paint and sets out to find his killers.

If one were to take V for Vendetta and replace V with Rorschach from Watchmen and then set it in Sin City, the result would be The Crow. It's a surprisingly captivating supernatural action/thriller and feels completely fresh and unique. The main character, Eric, is such an interesting protagonist in that he is a good guy who follows a definite moral code, showing itself at several pivotal moments, but he's also fairly insane, acting out erratically and killing his victims in creative and resourceful ways. Not only can he heal himself, but he's an incredible fighter and he also can telepathically see through the eyes of the crow that guides him.

With a plot that sounds like an exploitation, drive-in gorefest, it doesn't come off as one in the least. It may actually suffer from the opposite problem, as it's just a bit too preachy with the philosophic aspect and may overstep its bounds just a bit as it gets into some quotes about love that just seem a bit out of place, not to mention the aforementioned angst. However, I've seen far, far worse offenders of that particular sin, so it's forgivable. Another somewhat weak point in this film is one of the main characters, a young girl named Sarah, who was cared for by Eric and his fiancé, doesn't particularly interest me. She has an important role and provides morality checks for Eric, but overall she's a fairly uninspiring addition to the film.

While also sporting some pretty awesome acrobatic action sequences that refrain from the cliche Matrix-esque over-the-top stuff. One scene in particular involves a lightning quick shootout in a huge meeting room that seems to belong in a big budget action film, followed shortly thereafter by a rooftop sword fight that's equally impressive.

It's an altogether unique and melancholy film that has amassed a minor cult following since its release. Rightfully so, as this one is worth the watch.

8.25/10 - Unique and worth it.

Satan's Little Helper

The small-scale cult horror film, Satan's Little Helper, actually has nothing to do with Christmas, despite the misleading pun in the title. It's a Halloween film that borrows from a few of the classic slasher films while managing to create something completely new. While having an obviously meager budget, this direct-to-DVD flick doesn't often show it, apart from having a low-quality camera and some less than oscar winning acting and it makes up for it in full thanks to it's inventiveness.

The plot goes that some kid named Dougie is obsessed with a game called Satan's Little Helper, wherein the goal is to cause all sorts of mayhem and mischief under the careful guidance of Satan. In fact, this kid is so into the game that he actually dresses up as Satan and he never talks about anything else. Seriously, I'm not sure if the kid has one single line that isn't directly related to Satan. Anyway, on Halloween night, he happens to bump into a mysterious character who's dressed up as the creep pictured above. The boy immediately latches onto his side and the wordless Satan employs him in order to carry out his bidding. What is said bidding? Well it mostly consists of murdering random people as well as foraying into nigh teenage level mischief as he impersonates a boyfriend in order to feel up a girl, steals candy from a convenience store, poisons a punch bowl and other such random crime.

It's a highly original concept that manages to be pretty creepy. One would think that Satan's eccentric affinity for goofing about with menial rebelliousness to be off-putting, but it adds a this-could-totally-happen-in-real-life aspect to it that in turn is disturbing in its own right. Though, don't mistake this film for scary, it's more of a dark comedy if anything else. Satan's law-breaking is often fabulously high-profile and his mannerisms can be funny just to watch as he carries out his actions with no regard to his own well-being.

There are a few things that bring it down of course. The lead child actor is pretty obnoxious and is over-the-top in all the wrong ways and you'd think that any self-respecting parent would be at least somewhat concerned with Dougie's avid obsession with Satan and Hell. Some of the crimes are simply too absurd to get away with, for instance there's a scene where Satan brings a fully-conscious, taped up hostage to a costume party and no one seems to care. Granted it's a costume party but it's stupid to think that anyone viewing the situation wouldn't guess that something was amiss. Not to mention, some of the character's thought processes make no discernible sense for example in one scene where a character wrongly believes that the guy in the Satan costume is his own father.

I would also note that the film sort of loses steam once Dougie gives up his blistering naïvety and figures out that Satan isn't playing a game. Then it sort of devolves into the characters trying to track the bastard down and in this, it runs on a bit too long for it's own good. There were several parts over the course of it's hour and 36 minute runtime where the film could've simply ended and would've had a decent cliffhanger, instead of trudging on to the point of mild campiness and reusing a few of it's gimmicks.

Satan's Little Helper is a pretty fun, slightly above-average horror flick that entertains with its unique ideas and macabre sense of humor. It's a good one to watch if you've got nothing better to do.

6.5/10 - Inventive. Not bad.