The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey

I went to see this movie last night

I opted to watch it in IMAX which, I admit, was a mistake because it was really dizzying the whole time. 3D tends to make my head spin, impressive as it is. People often bitch about movies being released in 3D. Why? I like that fact that that's coming back. Makes me think that the theatre will continue to be like it was. Oh, I'm off topic again. You want to hear about The Hobbit, right? Okay, I haven't yet read any reviews of it, so I'm not sure my opinion is popular or not, but I'm going to voice my honest-to-God reaction to the film. Let's begin.

The absolute first thing I noticed was the frame rate. I had heard that it boasted an impressive 48 per-second and you can instantly tell. I hated it. It makes the movie look "too real." It destroys the cinematic quality and feels more like a play or a behind-the-scenes sort of thing. It distracted me the whole time. This is an aggravating trend that's becoming more prevalent. New televisions often have a feature that makes the movie look this way. I always tried to point it out to people, but most don't notice it. Thankfully, you can turn it off, but you sure can't when you're in the theatre.

The first twenty minutes or so, feels more like the trailer for the next Elder-Scrolls game than it does a Lord of the Rings movie, but it serves it's purpose as a bookend that gives the backstory, without which woud make the movie rather confusing.

Despite the return of familiar sets, actors and score, the movie would stick out like a sore thumb when compared to the other three. Not because of it's plot, but because of it's style. First of all, EVERYTHING is CG, which is disappointing albeit not surprising. The first three used CG correctly. Obviously, you can't go build a giant tower with a flaming eye in the center, and you don't want to hire ten-thousand extras for just a few shots of the army. That being said, most of orcs and goblins that were shown close up, were people in costume and makeup. It gives the movie a much more authentic and organic look that I was greatly upset to find the new film void of. Did you know that during the first three films, rather than digitally edit the hobbits in to look smaller, the film crew built perspective shifting set pieces? When you thought Frodo was sitting right next to Gandalf he was actually sitting like this:

And one scene around a dinner table involved a partial camera circle, so they built a table that would shift and transform as the camera moved so that the hobbits would stay small and you wouldn't notice a thing. Too bad all they do now is digitize Gandalf into the frame.

I felt like I was watching a Disney version of the francise I've come to love over the years. Much of what happens seems so family friendly and cutesy. Most of then enemies are funny rather than scary, like what they used to be. Case in point, remember the trolls from the first three. Those guys were terrifying. Whenever a troll stepped out onto the battlefield, it meant trouble. They roared and killed everything in sight.

Now the trolls are bumbling doofuses that pick their noses are argue amongst each other. They look like this:

That seems strange seeing as how the other films were pushing the PG-13 as far as they could (there was a rumor that Return of the King would be re-rated R at one point).

Having said all of that, I think the best thing the movie has going for it is it's cast. I love every character. The dwarves are as hilarious as they are interesting and the young Bilbo is easy to latch on to as the lead character for the new trilogy. But the one who steals the show is Ian Mckellen as Gandalf. He's a lovable as he is wise and still cracks his occasional dry-humor quips.

My favorite scene is the part where Bilbo meets Gollum in the cave. Gollum is as intriguing as ever, arguing with himself and narrating everything he does. He makes Bilbo play him in a game of riddles over weather or not he should show him the way out. It's a great scene.

Despite it's perks, I didn't care for The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey. Gone was the atmosphere and thrills of the originals, gone was the painstaking attention to detail and gone was the adult target audience. It's just not what it used to be. I was enormously disappointed considering how long I waited for this movie ("What?! December of 2012?!") If you expect this movie to be anything like the other ones, like I did, you're going to be sorely disappointed. I think it wasn't a bad idea to take the series in a new direction, but this I disagree with. The first three were already so unique and this new one feels like a run-of-the-mill fantasy movie. I'm sorry, fans of the series but it looks like our true return to Middle Earth will have to be postponed.

6/10 - Might Be Worth Your Time For Curiosity's Sake.

Shit Gamers Don't Say

I doubt this guy is using modded controls

Call of Duty has such a mature audience.

This server has really great connection!

ALRIGHT! MORE DLC!

PC gamers are so modest…

Wow! None of these guys know my mom.

Y'know that guy really deserved that kill.

No, that wasn't lag, it was me.

Goldeneye is so overrated.

That game based movie was really well done!

Playing with 12 year olds is such an interesting experience.

EA is basically my favorite publisher.

Steam just has the worst deals.

I think TF2 needs fewer hats.

Console TF2 is way better.

I'm a Sony and I appreciate Halo.

Man, Bethesda's quality has gone way down.

343 is really taking Halo in a good direction.

Really? ANOTHER new graphics engine?

This game was TOTALLY worth pre-ordering.

She doesn't have to make you a sandwich if she doesn't want to.

Guys, we should stratagize on this next Call of Duty match.

This game needs more lone-wolfers.

I didn't pirate any of these PC games.

Oh, man the game froze… good thing I just saved.

I don't think we need another GTA or Elder Scrolls game.

Dude, app gaming is the way to go.

I'm all out of Mountain Dew!

Dude, E3 was so good this year.

Hey! Don't blow in the cartridge, it says not to!

I don't think Silent Hill is scary enough.

I don't think Dead Space is gory enough.

They really changed a lot with this Call of Duty game.

Hey! That's not fair! He's probably in the bathroom or something!

Maybe we should go outside?

My Beef With Remakes

Does my non-existant fanbase remember that time I ranted about sequels?

I seem to recall promising a post about remakes at some point, right? Of course I'm right; I'm just humoring you. Anyway! How I feel about remakes is sort of similar to how I feel about sequels, so that should make for a shorter post. Lucky you, non-existant reader! Okay then. Let's crack this topic open, shall we?

The first thing to ask yourself when dealing with a remake

Is is necessary? Here's what commonly happens with remakes. Filmakers look at the old movie and play it safe by simply rebooting it with up-to-date special effects. That's what I'm against. What's the point of doing that? If you want to expand on a movie, by all means, I'd rather see a sequel than a fucking remake, i.e. the same movie again. Why should I go to the theatre to see a movie I've already seen? It's one thing when doing a remake to borrow from the original, in fact there are a few cases where remakes suffer from being too drastically different from the original.

Ahem

But of course, I'm probably making no sense at all, so I'll go and fetch an example of both for you.

You've seen this movie right? The Thing From Another World, or just The Thing released in 1951 is a movie about explorers at the North Pole who discover alien life. It's based on the book Who Goes There by John W. Campbell Jr. published in 1938 (there's some trivia for ya). It's a great movie. That acting is top notch and it's suspenseful despite not being the most original idea. Just over 30 years later, John Carpenter blesses the human race with:

Now, if you haven't seen this movie and you're reading my blog, you're making a mistake. Promptly turn off your computer, find this film and prepare your nerves for what the tagline promises. This is the quintessential well-done remake. This movie is everything I want to see in a remake. John Carpenter had a lot of respect for the original movie, and while this isn't technically a remake, I don't give a shit, I'm going to call it one because it uses the same name. Unlike the first film, this one is much more true to the novel. The beast, rather than plodding along, aimlessly, hides inside it's victims before horrifically revealing itself in top-of-the-line, show-stopping special effects. Keep in mind while you're watching it that everything you see on screen was captured directly on camera. A sort of dying art, if you ask me, but that's for another time. After seeing this movie, I never thought I'd see another one, but sure enough...

I honestly couldn't believe my eyes when I saw this poster. How could this be? I'll admit, the trailer blew my mind and I thought it was a decent film at best, but still, why even make this? Of course, this producer is obsessed with remakes. As you may have noticed above the title, he is responsible for the Dawn of the Dead remake (which was actually not bad) along with classics such as Slither, The Last Exorcism, Bring it on Again (really?) and the soon-to-arrive Robocop remake.

Why, God, why?

This movie is the quintessential bad remake. All it is, is a total reboot of the 1982 version. And who expected it not to be? It's not like it couldn't of been. Of course it isn't technically a remake of the 1982 version... dammit, I didn't want to get technical like this but, I'll explain what I'm talking about. The 1982 version, The Thing is technically a sequel to the first. They find footage from the first expedition which was what the first movie was about, and the first infected host is from the first expedition as well. Now, the 2011 The Thing remake is not actually a remake of the 1982 The Thing, but rather a prequel and is technically a remake of the 1951 The Thing instead. This would all be a whole lot fucking easier to wrap my head around if they weren't all titled the same fucking thing. Speaking of which, I should take a moment to say that I was very much against naming the 2011 version of The Thing, 'The Thing.' Why name it something that's been used twice? It works for the '82 version seeing as how that was the first remake but for this one it just complicates things. Why not call it Who Goes There after the original novel? That's a hell of a lot creepier than The Thing. But I'm getting way off topic here. The point is... what was the point again? Oh, right! This movie has no purpose to exist. All it did was take the '82 movie and give it CGI which, in my humble opinion, actually looks worse than the '82 version which had no such crutch.

See that? I think that may actually be good. The first one by now, does feel pretty dated. My hope is, and I know that it won't be like this but, that it won't be a total reboot. Maybe have the classic "WOLVERINES" or the "AVENGE ME!" scenes, but I don't want to see Red Dawn rebooted.

I think something should also be said for time limits on remakes. Why remake a movie that only just came out? Case in point:

And

But, hey, I'm going to let this one off the hook. After all, it met every other thing I've been talking about on this list. It was new! In fact it was better than the original! The only complaint is what a slap in the face it was to the people who worked on the first one. I do understand why it was made, Marvel trying to set the record straight after the first 3 Spidermans fucked up the series' continuity. But that cannot be said for:

And

Now, I'm pretty harsh with romantic comedies and how they're always the same but seriously, these two movies are the exact same thing. So close to being the same, in fact, that I think it's fair to call Friends With Benefits a remake of No Strings Attached. If you don't believe me, seriously, just look at the tagline for No Strings Attached, or go ahead and watch them for yourself (I don't recommend doing that). These came out literally, within months of each other. How did we let this happen? Did people forget that they only just saw this movie? I'm utterly dumbfounded! And worst of all, they were both complete successes! So, good fucking job, humanity, you may as well just bend over and ask Hollywood to fuck you because you just told them that that works.

Humanity is Cartman now.

Trying to wrap all this up

Remakes should only exist to expand upon or fix up a dated film. They so often rather than introduce the old film to a new audience, cause a new generation to forget about the classics and further dig itself into the CG-loving, creativity-hating hole that it's in. Remakes are worse than sequels because there's even less imagination going on. At the very least, a sequel is a new plot, but a remake is just the same thing twice. They're the last downfall of creativity in cinema. Like I said, I don't always hate remakes, I just think there's a limit on what can/should be remade.

My 20 All-Time Favorite Movies

Here's something I've thought about doing for awhile. I fancy myself a bit of a movie buff, so, I find it necessary to figure this out. But, most people would admit, it's not easy to pick your favorite movies and even harder to order them but like I said, I thought about it for awhile. Of course, your favorite movies can always change, but at the very least I can say that my top 5 are definite and probably won't change much ever. They're movies that age well, and I can watch again and again. So, anyway, here's the list. Of course I recommend all of them. Be sure to catch these films before you die.

20. The Aristocats

My personal favorite of the Disney animated movies, the Aristocats is a simple story of a family of pampered cats meeting the lively and dangerous real world. After a disgruntled butler, after learning that the cats have been destined to inherit a fortune, he drives them far away and leaves them for dead; they're just trying to get home. Along the way, they meet a pair of bumbling dogs, some pompous geese and some jazzy tomcats, with the lead being the smooth talking Thomas O' Mally, voiced by Phil Harris. Every song is so memorable and the jazz theme is not unwelcome. It's the kind of thing you can dance to. I love how colorful each character is. The tomcats are always throwing a party and going insane. Equally lovable are the aristocrats Duchess, Berlioz and Toulouse. You root for these characters the entire time and seeing the butler get what's coming to him in the end is a satisfying conclusion.

19. Princess Mononoke

Studio Ghibli's captivating fantasy, Princess Mononoke is a film I only saw in recent years, but it's already solidified it's place on this list. At 2 hours and 20 minutes it's one of their longest films, but it's worth every minute. In the opening scene, we get a dark narration followed by a fight with a demon-boar. Damn, this movie wastes no time. Our protagonist, Ashitaka is infected by the demon and must seek healing from the Forest Spirit or it will kill him. 

That alone, is enough of a premise for a movie, but if that's not enough, Ashitaka also has to stop the conflict going on between humans of Iron town and the forest spirits which are highly intelligent animals. In the midst of this, is San and though she's never referred to as Princess Mononoke, she's what the title is referencing. She is a human living among the Wolf Tribe, the leader of which you may recognize as Gillian Anderson, better known as Scully from the X-Files. But I digress, after stopping an attempt to kill lady Eboshi, Iron Town's leader, San and Ahitaka begin to form a bond, but not in a way that feels Disney, but rather a way that feels Ghibli if you take my meaning. Speaking of Ghibli style, you may be surprised to find that this movie is not a family movie such as most Ghibli movies. To my knowledge, it is the only Ghibli film with a PG-13 rating. Many people would snub this movie because it's "weird," which is a terrible way to live if you ask me. Definitely worth the watch,  Princess Monoke is timeless and it's unforgettable.

18. Alien

Alien is what you get when you take an old b-movie and give it a big budget. It's a fantastically done sci-fi horror movie, set in the claustrophobic and dark Nostromo space ship. Sigourney Weaver plays the badass Ripley the character who established women in the sic-fi horror genre as more than just scream machines. Rather than run and yell when confronted with danger, Ripley get's right up in it's face. What so great is how intricate the alien is. It bleeds a potent acid, has a second mouth and just looks exactly like that thing from your nightmares. The famous alien reproduction is one of the highlights of the film, with the chest-burtsing  sequence acting as the shock moment. As the numbers of crew mates dwindle, the suspense increases and the alien always attacks the moment you're not expecting it. One of my favorite sic-fi flicks.

Damn, is that thing scary.

17. Jaws

All you need is to hear that score by John Williams and you know what you're dealing with. A killer shark. Like Alien, Jaws is essentially a big budget b-horror movie, resurrected for a more contemporary time. The first half of the movie is buildup while the second half is out on the boat hunting the shark. Roy Schieder, Robert Shaw and Richard Dreyfus are all perfect in the roles. My favorite scene is when Roy is in the shark cage that's slowly being ripped apart trying to fight the shark with a fucking knife. It's such a terrifying and badass situation to be in that we as an audience can't sit still. The ending is so perfect, that after the climax of the film I stood up and cheered. If by some strange chance you haven't yet seen this movie, get on it.

How could I not use this pic?

16. T2

Out of all of the movies that warn of advancing technology this is indisputably the best. I like every Terminator movie, but it's no contest when I have to name my favorite it's T2. I first saw this movie at a young age and it scared the shit out of me initially. I had never seen anything so violent before, it was sort of scarring, but I liked the movie anyway.

 Watching it nowadays, I don't bat an eye, but that doesn't make it any less fun to watch. The special effects were unparalleled for the time, and I still think they're very impressive, it doesn't look cheap to me like most older movies with CG do. This movie is a prime example of CG used right, not overused, and implemented when needed. Every character ends up going through personal change, and you actually feel attached to Arnold in the role of the T800 as he learns what it is to be human.

15. The Kingdom

Hands down, my favorite war movie. The Kingdom may disappoint some viewers because it lacks an enormous amount of action, but that's not what the movie is about. It's about the message. Set in the present day conflict in the unstable Saudi Arabia, Jamie Foxx, Chris Cooper, Jennifer Garner and Jason Bateman are sent in to investigate after a terrorist attack on a family softball game. What they find there is a complex government and a hatred that runs deep. Along the way, they meet the lovable Colonel Faris Al Ghazi played by Ashraf Barhom, who is my favorite character. In end of this suspenseful film we are left with the message about hate. The movie leaves off with the same feud as before. Hate runs deep.

14. A Bug's Life

I didn't want to take up this entire list with Pixar movies, so to pick just one, I'd have to be A Bug's Life. This was one of my favorite movies from my childhood. It's an underdog story about the klutzy Flik, who is punished to go find "warrior bugs," a mission he is never expected to return from, after screwing the entire colony majorly and managing to get on a group of gangster grasshoppers, led by Hopper played by Kevin Spacey's, bad side. Flik travels to the bug city which is my favorite scene. I just love how much is going on all the time, and all the countless little details are just Pixar's signature. To everyone's surprise he returns to the colony with a comical group of insects without telling them they're going to be fighting to the death with grass hoppers and without Flik knowing they're actually circus performers rather than the hardened fighters he was expecting. In the end they have to accept their roles and Flik has to rise up and become a confident leader. It's a great movie no matter how you look at it. I loved it as a child and I love it now.

13. The Goonies

Anyone raised in the 80's remembers The Goonies. It's a film about a group of innocent but adventurous kids who set out to find a lost pirate treasure. It's hard not to love this movie just by watching it. Not only is it funny, but it sports lovable characters and is as charming as it is exciting. Obviously not a movie to be taken totally seriously. You really can get to love every character, because every one of them represents someone you know. Just watching all them interact is entertaining in itself and feels surprisingly natural which is rare for a movie with child actors. Whoever you are, you've gotta love The Goonies.

12. V for Vendetta

Here's one we can probably all agree on. It may surprise you to find out that this movie only has a handful of action sequences. It's really about rebellion against a corrupt system and while that may sound like something a liberal arts grad told you about, it makes sense when you see the state of the world in the movie. Set in the near future, Great Britain is under a communistic dictatorship when the mysterious masked V, voiced by Hugo Weaving, appears who vows to take it all down.

He set's out to give the government to the people again by fighting it all on his own. It follows the character Evee played by Natalie Portman. When the movie came out we were all expecting a comicky superhero film probably fighting some mutated villain, but what we got was a deep and involved story about a fight against an oppressive society. A great movie that has one of the best action sequences I've ever seen to climax it.

11. Law Abiding Citizen

Law Abiding Citizen, like V for Vendetta, is not about the action or the CG and in fact has very few action scenes at all. It's a movie about a broken man trying to send a message. Gerard Butler gives a phenomenal performance as Clyde and is dead serious throughout the film.

The movie opens with a disturbing scene where Clyde loses both his wife and his young daughter to burglars. One of the men is sentenced to death but the other man named Darby is able to walk free after spending just a short time in prison. Clyde feels that this is unjust and several years later seeks out the man and tortures him to death in a way that would make Jigsaw scream. What first starts out as what we assume to be a revenge scheme turns into a war against what Clyde believes is an unjust justice system. Jamie Foxx is great as Nick Rice who is the protagonist of the film. He was the lawyer for Clyde during the Darby trial and Clyde blames him partially for the outcome. Clyde begins killing off everyone involved in the trial but not in the classic slasher style. Clyde is able to orchestrate the deaths of people whiteout even being in the same room and it drives everyone crazy just trying to figure out how he's doing it. Until Nick goes to see the character Bray who tells him that Clyde is the master of covert killing. It's a really powerful film about corruption and revenge. We start to lose sight of who we are cheering for. You sympathize with Clyde but can only watch as he becomes the very thing he's trying to destroy. A very dramatic and extremely suspenseful movie.

10. Predator

Predator is what would happen if we were hunted the way we hunt animals, and while that may sound like some hippy preaching, it doesn't come off that way at all. We follow Arnold Schwarzenegger and his platoon into the jungle where they end up in guerrilla warfare, little do they know they're being watched. Each character get's picked off one by one until, classically, it ends up as one man verses the Predator in an action sequence that is beyond exciting. Gory as it may be, the movie is a must see for action sic-fi fans. Suspenseful throughout, predator is an awesome movie. Not to mention, that thing was a badass.

Seriously, how badass can one thing be?

9. The Big Lebowski

Easily the most quotable movie ever, The Big Lebowski is the quintessential stoner comedy and seems to be praised for being a great man movie. 

I'm not sure if I agree with that. I think The Big Lebowski is a movie to be enjoyed by anyone just because it's so damn funny. Jeff Bridges plays the laid back Lebowski or as he is famously referred to as, "The Dude." He's accompanied by the neurotic Walter played by the one and only John Goodman who is hilarious throughout the film. He's always flipping shit, referencing his service in Vietnam and in one scene goes so far as to pull a gun on someone over a dispute in a friendly game of bowling. These two are the perfect actors for the roles along with a few cameos including John Turturro as Jesus Quintana who's constantly hip thrusting the air and tee-bagging the bowling ball in a scene that serves almost no purpose at all. The movie is about Lebowski trying to solve a murder mystery but getting in way over his head. It's so funny because The Dude doesn't even know what he's doing half the time, he just sort of goes with whatever is happening.

 I don't know what it is but every single time I watch this movie I end up laughing my ass off, despite having seen it countless times.

8. The Rear Window

This is Hitchcock at his absolute best. Easily the best suspense movie I've ever seen. James Stewart is back with Hitchcock again, as the wheelchair bound photographer, Jeff. He's so board sitting in his chair all day, that he takes to spying on his neighbors and ends up beginning to suspect one of them of murder. What we as an audience see is limited to what he sees, so it's up to us to believe it or not. The movie is brilliantly shot and you can really see all kinds of action going on in different windows all at once. It's cinematography, on a level I've never seen rivaled. The mystery gets thicker and thicker until the final climax, which is exciting and pleasing. 

7. Back to the Future

There's no way you can't love Back to the future. This is a movie that has everything for anyone. With a perfectly written script that's always giving you hilarious a memorable dialogue but always advancing the plot, and a mind blowingly convoluted story, Back to the Future is a joy ride from beginning to end. The filmmakers could have left the movie off with Marty simply trying to get back to the present but that's not enough. Along with that, Marty has to fix the past he screwed up, and save his friend Doc, who for me steals the show along with Biff. Doc Brown is my favorite character. Christopher Loyd gives a comical performance as the Doc, always over analyzing everything and always with quick and explosive dialogue. Whenever he's on screen you can't take your eyes off of him, because he's constantly screaming his head off. Back to the Future is a classic movie. It's a great plot that comes to a satisfying full circle ending.

6. Raiders of the Lost Arc

When I was little, my dad showed me the first scene of this movie, the cave sequence, recorded on an old VHS tape. I was young so it terrified the shit out of me, but I loved it just the same. It wasn't until several years later that I found out there was more to the movie than just that one scene, and from then on it's been my favorite adventure movie.

Indiana Jones is, of course, a mashup of references to old westerns repackaged, but it feels so new. Harrison Ford gives a fantastic performance through the entire movie, always full of energy. Indy is such a lovable character, that you really want to see him survive until the end. It's the search for the Arc of the Covenant, the sought after key to power. The ending is among the most surprising I've ever seen, I mean, going into this movie, there is no way anyone would have guessed that it was coming. Indiana Jones and the Raiders of the Lost Arc, is a classic film and the ultimate adventure. I love it.

5. Harry Potter (Series)

Throughout my life, I've been into Harry Potter. Saying that is not unique, today it's a world wide phenomenon and you can't live on this planet without knowing what it is. I read every book as they came out and have been following the series faithfully through every movie. I had to include every film in this one entry, because the series should be enjoyed as a whole, you can't just like one Harry Potter movie. If you've seen the movies, then you can't not love the characters. For me and so many others, I feel like I've spent so much time with these characters through every film over the years that I feel like I know them as friends. Of course, my favorite actor is Alan Rickman as Snape. 

He gives an awesome performance throughout all eight films, always being the guy you love to hate until the very last movie when you find out he's been good all along. Harry Potter is this generation's Star Wars and for me, and millions of others, seeing the finale was as emotional as it was epic. Harry Potter is a series I will cherish always.

4. Jurassic Park

Back when I was a kid, I watched this movie almost every day. To me back then, it was my favorite thing (dinosaurs) on the big screen. The special effects were jaw dropping for the time; dinosaurs were more real than ever in this movie. Roaring, running and hunting, they were and are a real spectacle to watch. Now, I can comprehend the plot written by the best science fiction author since H.G. Wells, Michael Crichton. After watching this movie, I had to read every Crichton book ever. The plot is so simple but it's done so believably. What starts out as an amazing example of genetic engineering turns into horror when Newman sets the dinosaurs free. It's a great story of the dangers of trying to play God but besides that, it's just a fun movie all around.

3. Aliens

Almost a decade later, James Cameron picks up where Ridley Scott left off with Aliens. This movie deserves it's own spot because it's so radically different from the first Alien movie. It's the ultimate in Sci-Fi horror movie, depicting a terrifyingly dark and enclosed environment and an all out war against the Aliens. Sigourney Weaver reprises her role as Ripley, the badass woman who you don't wan't to mess with. After surviving the hell of the first movie, she is found years later and all she wants to do is stop the evil Wayne Tech from bringing the Aliens to Earth where they'll kill everyone. She's the only one who  has ever encountered the aliens and knows what they're capable of. I love how it totally goes against the alien movie norm and features a movie where we go to the aliens and we have the superior technology.

Like these fuckers right here.

 But what I really love about the movie is every time you think it's about to end, you turn around and it's back on with another action sequence. It's truly a non- stop, pulse pounding thrill ride that is mandatory for any Science Fiction buff. The best Alien contact movie ever made.

2. Star Wars

When I was a kid, my dad showed me a clip of the Obi-Wan vs. Darth Vader fight and I freaked out. I watched it over and over again, until I finally had a copy of the movie myself. It was on a VHS tape, and I watched it just about every day until the damn thing broke. I include the first three Star Wars Films in this list, but if I had to pick one, hands down, A New Hope. 

What George Lucas did to make this movie possible is incredible. The amount of stress and new special effects that were invented by him and overall what it did for cinema is very impressive. It turned it in a more positive direction during a time when most movies were gritty and violent. Star Wars is an undisputed classic which has to be loved by everyone. As much as I love it, I've never read any of the novels nor have I watched the Clone Wars T.V. show. To me, Star Wars is Star Wars, just the movies as it should be. This is a movie I can enjoy time and time again, and a movie I'll never get tired of.

1. Spirited Away

The movie starts and we see the bratty "scaredy-cat" girl Chihiro in the car with her parents on their way to see their new house. They end up getting a little lost and end up out in the woods in front of an old building.  They make their way through the tunnel entrance and find themselves in an abandoned town, but strangely find a hot buffet sitting ilde in a street side restaurant. Her parents begin to engorge themselves on the food and are turned into pigs. Suddenly, and with no explanation, the spirits come out. 

Over the course of the film, the spirit worlds inhabitants become increasingly attached to Chihiro as we do as an audience. She goes from being barely tolerated to a being a hero, she undergoes change from a scared, whiny child to a decent and brave girl. And Chihiro isn't the only one who changes. Just about every character, no matter how bad they seem at first comes around in the end. There's so much going on in this film, watching it is like stepping into a dream. In classic Ghibli style, much of the magic and spells are never really explained but that's just part of the charm. We don't need to know why it's important that Chihiro doesn't look back as she crosses the field to go back home, or why she needs to hold her breath as she crosses the bridge or why black slugs are bad luck, but instead, the lack of exposition makes the movie feel like there's so much more behind it. We just have to accept this world that's totally foreign and mysterious to us. 

This movie can be enjoyed for it's individual moments, such as the boiler room scene or the stink spirit scene, but my personal favorite scene is the train ride. The rest of the movie looks like an explosive acid trip and there's all kinds of stuff going on, but the train scene is a different kind of magic. In the beginning of the film, Chihiro rides in the car nervous and shaky, but the Chihiro riding the train is confident, bravely leading the timid No-Face. It's the turning point in her development and besides that, it's a beautifully surreal scene and it's a great contrast to the rest of the movie.

But besides all of that, Spirited Away is just a gorgeous film. Everything is so vibrantly animated, just looking at it makes me happy. It's a movie that could be watched on mute and could still be a wonderful experience. What you take away from Spirited Away differs from person to person. To me, it's that there's good inside everyone, anyone can change and there's always magic if you look in the right places.

The Top 10 Badass Androids Moments

I know I promised but I needed to write this one.

This is the last specifically DBZ related post I'll do for awhile. This time I'm serious. But anyway, we all know the Androids is indisputably the best saga in the series. What I mean by Androids is from when Trunks arrives on Earth to when Gohan kills Cell. There are a lot of ways to divide the series by sagas, but most people would agree that there are four main ones. Saiyans, Frieza, Androids and Buu. Most people would say that Androids is the best. So, I've gone in, re-watched it and picked out my personal favorite moments of pure badassery just for my non-existant fan base. Y'know, those parts where you just tingle like a motherfucker as goosebumps riddle your body. So, let's start this up.

10. The Surprise Kamehameha

Piccolo confronts a mysterious fighter for the first time in Nikki town. This guy just happens to be Cell who obviously is constructed of the cells of all the other fighters and knows everyone's moves. They go at it for awhile, Piccolo and thusly the audience knows nothing about Cell. Cells suddenly pulls a move on Piccolo. A classic move. The Kamehameha in fact. This is a move that only someone who was trained by Master Roshi should know since he invented the move himself. Piccolo naturally stars freaking out. He fires off the blast and the episode ends just like that. No narrator, no bullshit, no nothing. I just love the way Cell says "Meh." Awesome.

9. Cell's Power

 

When cell finally transforms into his final form, all he does is stand in one place and look at his apparently gorgeous hands. Kuririn and Trunks punch and kick the shit out of him, but he doesn't even move or acknowledge the fact that they're attacking him. Eventually, he turns toward Kuririn and teleports all around him like a show off. He then kicks Kuririn. Once. This is the very first time we see Cell's complete power. This is our first impression of how truly fucked the Earth is. Kuririn is knocked completely unconscious. I think most people's reaction on their first watch shit themselves.

8. Foot Decapitation

I remember this one back when I had some of the series collected on the old VHS tapes. I replayed this one scene so many times because I thought it was so fucking cool. This old bastard has been antagonizing the Z-Fighters for awhile now, and 17 just kicks his head off like it's no big deal. Also, the music really makes it. Sorry about the poor quality of the video...

7. Tien's Tri-Beam

Cell has just swallowed 17 and blasted the shit out of 16. Piccolo is dead, and there is no hope. Until Tien steps into the ring. Tien is considered to be one of the weaker fighters, so as an audience we assume he's just going to get his ass handed to him on a plate. But that's not what happens at all. Tien Tri-Beams that son of a bitch into the next world and keeps him down there for half of an episode. It's easily Tien's best moment. Yeah, I know the video is long, watch the whole thing, faggot.

6. The Instant Kamehameha

Goku is fighting a losing battle against Cell at The Cell Games. The fight is very intense, but Goku knows he can't win. In a final desperate attempt to kill Cell, he flies into the sky and starts charging a Kamehameha. He also happens to be pointing this directly at the Earth. Everyone thinks he's bluffing because at the trajectory he plans to fire it from would cause total destruction of the planet. What I love is that even Cell freaks out when Goku hits "Meh." Suddenly, Goku uses the Instant Transmission and appears right in Cell's face and destroys everything north of his waist. Not only did this create the cheapest move from the DBZ video game Budokai Tenkaichi 3, but it also almost worked. I love it when Cell goes "NnnnnnnooooOOOOOOOOOO-" Bang!

5. Gohan Powers Up

Goku, after forfeiting the match against Cell, advocates for Gohan's alleged immense strength. There are numerous doubts from both the characters and the audience. That is until we see this. Then all that bullshit goes out this window, this serious shit right here. Dem shouts, man.

4. Vegeta's Final Flash

\

Now we're not fucking around are we? Vegeta, who was so cocky about being able to take on Cell in his final form and actually fights along side Cell, just to see that it happens, is getting his ass whooped all up and down the island.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ls8Y7q31Tzo&t=1m30s

See this link for details

So, Vegeta tries to do the only thing he knows how to do and fires off the biggest fucking blast he can muster. This is the first solid hit anyone has gotten on Cell since he transformed and damn is it flashy. Vegeta's badassery can't be contained some times, I mean seriously, blast is so fucking over the top that it's beyond crazy. If you're only going to watch one clip I post, make it this one.

3. Gohan Awakens

Oh, yeah, you knew this one was coming. Gohan has been watching his friends be tormented by the Cell Jr.s mercilessly for quite awhile now. He is so close to letting his full power explode that he can barely contain himself. Mr. Satan throws 16's severed head into the ring. Gohan accepts his motivational speech and Cell crushes him with one foot. This is the last thing that pushed Gohan over the edge. I think this is a good time to say that these are best when experienced on a very good sound system. Y'know, one where you can feel it? This scene is, and I hate this word, epic.

2. A Bout to Decide the Universe

Sorry, about this but I looked all over for this specific video and this was the best I could do. You're gonna have to stop it at 1:23. Anyway, this is it. Cell has come back to life and the only one who can stop him is Gohan. Cell powers up for a full episode and fires a blast which Gohan decides to counter at the last moment. When this happens... holy shit is it awesome. Which leads us to the final thing.

1. Episode 191

Yup. I just went and did that. I'm sorry, I really can't just single out a moment from this episode. This is the single greatest and most ridiculously amazing finale that anything has ever received. Everything has led up to this. All of the death and the destruction. It's all come down to this one Kamehameha bout. The episode is so indescribably epic that it has to be seen to be believed. Honestly, if you haven't watched the show before, it'll lose it's awesome because you won't understand how long they've been tormented by Cell and everything leading to this. It loses it's full effect without that. If you have seen it before, go to that link and watch it again just to relive the Godliness of DBZ at it's finest. Rock on Dragonball Z.

Dragonball Z Mistakes/Plot Holes

Writing that last post inspired me to do one more about DBZ

Now, let's be honest, you may have gathered that I am a big fan of the show. Bigger than most. Sitting on my movie shelf is every episode of Dragon Ball, Dragon Ball Z, GT, Kai and every movie spinoff.

That being said, Dragonball Z is far from being a perfect show. Part of this is because Akira Toriyama never knew what he was going to be writing about next week when doing the manga which could obviously lend itself to some disasters.

So here are my personal favorite mistakes, plot-holes or just plain weird things from the series.

Oh yeah, with hella-spoilers.

But honestly, who hasn't watched the show at this point?

SSJ4?

Yeah, I just had to bitch about this one. It might be a bad idea to start with one that's open to debate, but I'll just state the facts.

Super Saiyan 3 was supposed to be the ultimate form. It was the final form used in the cannon manga and was only ascended in GT. To be honest, I had a pretty hard time accepting the existence of SSJ3 but with time I got used to it and I'm fine with it because of it's severe drawbacks.

Here are the rules of SSJ3:

- Don't transform on Earth. Goku almost destroyed the entire planet when he transformed, and it was factoring in King Kai's anger during the whole scene. There wasn't just the standard quakes. There were world wide floods. Buildings crumbled, glass shattered, electronics exploded, it was a real mess. Goku can use this form in the Other World because, as he says, "The Other World has fewer rules."

- Don't do it in our realm, actually. When Goku transformed to fight Majin Buu (note: the only time there was a SSJ3 transformation on Earth apart from the movie Wrath of the Dragon) he didn't just almost destroy the planet, but he actually bent the space time continuum. This is what shorted out his remaining time on Earth and forced him to return to the Other World prematurely. Do you understand the gravity of that? He gave off so much power that it fucked up the flow of time.

- Don't use a living body. The only reason Goku could transform into SSJ3 was because of that little halo over his head. Normally, simply the transformation itself would give off so much power that a living body would be torn apart by it. But in Goku's case, he had no body to destroy. This has some dispute over it because Gotenks was also able to achieve SSJ3 and he wasn't dead. What I can say for that case is that Goten and Trunks were sharing a body, so that may have given them the leiway to perform it. Matter of fact, Goku even having the non-living body and all was still completely worn out by using this form. He explains to Goten in layman's terms as being "very tired," as he sweats bullets.

But then SUPER SAIYAN 4 just comes out of nowhere! Sure, he had to pull out his tail and go into an ape form and all, but for God's sake! No earth shaking (or planet Vegeta shaking in the case of the first transformation.), No space-time continuum ruining, and don't forget Goku had a living body when he did this (although, it wasn't really a normal one).

Vegeta flip-flops

Here's an interesting one I've been tossing around and note: this one falls under the 'just kind of weird' catagory. You all know Vegeta. You all know that he's a proud bastard. He prides himself in relying only on his own strength and constantly refers to those who use other people's power as weaklings. If this is the case, and I'm coming back to SSJ4 with this one, why does he allow Bulma to use her machine to transform him into a Super Saiyan 4? I mean, for God's sake this is the guy who feels it's dishonorable to take Sensu Beans and always puts up a fuss when he has to take them. It'd be one thing if the only way to achieve SSJ4 was through machine use, but Goku did it without any such handicaps.

People may argue, "He knew he had to because the situation was so desperate." but I say bullshit to that. The Vegeta from DBZ would much rather die gloriously in battle than be given a crutch. Sure, he used Babidi that one time but that was just to reawaken his dark side and even that was a stretch for Vegeta to do.

Raditz, ahead of the curb

One of my least favorite lines in the series occurs when Goku and Piccolo are fighting Raditz. After Piccolo fires the aptly named special beam cannon, Raditz doges it and Piccolo says, "He's faster than the speed of light." Not only is this line infuriating to physics majors, but it also makes the instant transmission completely useless. If Raditz can move the speed of light, why is it so cool that Goku can do the same thing? A trick learned after Frieza, which was about 100 something episodes later mind you. Was Raditz the only enemy who could do this? When Goku uses instant transmission in front of Cell, he says "I must learn how he does that." implying that he can't do it either. Goku learned the instant transmission on the planet Yardrat when he crash landed after his fight with Frieza and the inhabitants graciously taught it to him. Then perhaps Raditz could've learned it from them... except that they wouldn't teach a killer like Raditz anything, I mean it's not like he could rape information out of them. And further more, as saiyan vacations often go, if Raditz had been there, either everyone would be dead or the planet would be destroyed. So, I can only conclude that Raditz had this ability all along and was actually way above everyone else. I guess he was hiding his strength.

Pictured: The epitome of sexiness

And while we're talking about instant transmission

Goku explains that the instant transmission turns his body into a light particle and allows him to (what else) travel at the speed of light. He refers to it as the instant transmission because, while it isn't truly instantaneous, it damn well seems it watching it with human eyes. But we know that the speed of light is 299,792,458 meters per second. Now that's great for traveling around a single planet and even pretty good for traveling around solar systems, but that trick becomes completely useless when you're talking about interstellar movement, which Goku does frequently. Ever heard of a light year? Well, it takes thousands of them to do that sort of trip and as the name implies, that is indeed traveling at the speed of light. So, hate to get all technical on the show but Goku's instant transmission, really comes off as being no good.

Strange powers

I'll start by saying that this isn't a mistake or plot hole, but rather, just a thing I find strange. The Z-Fighters obviously exhibit strange, otherworldly powers, from flying to blasting. That can all be explained by mastery of energy. Gohan explains himself to Videl when teaching her how to fly, that all of these powers are performed by manifesting your own energy somehow, be it putting it under you, or condensing it into a blast. But there are a few abilities that are done from time to time that don't seem to fit that description. For instance, telepathic manipulation. In the episode where The Great Saiyaman is fighting kidnappers holding the mayor for ransom, he stops an RPG shot in mid-flight, and slowly pushes it back towards the sender. That isn't the only time levitation of some sort comes into play. Cell uses it to create his Cell Games arena and there may be a few other examples I'm forgetting. The point is, is that I want to know how that's done or at the very least, why don't they use it more often and what are the limits of this ability. But another stranger power is done a couple times. When Gohan, fresh out of the hyperbolic time chamber, asks Piccolo to make him a costume like his, Piccolo just holds his hand over his head and BAM! Gohan's wearing the same thing. He does this another time when he's training Gohan out in the wilderness. Same process but different clothes. What sort of power would allow him to do that? Is it limited to just creating clothing or can he create other things out of mid-air and if so, why wouldn't Piccolo use this power more often? I don't know. Like I said, it's not a mistake, but just something I find odd.

You meant this outfit right?

The Other World changes it's policies

We're back to Raditz and the Saiyan saga with this one. So, obviously, Piccolo kills Goku and Raditz at the same time using the Special Beam Cannon. They both go to the other world. Goku arrives with Kami and speaks with King Yemma about training with King Kai. Before he leaves Goku asks King Yemma if he's seen Raditz come through. Yemma said that Raditz put up a fight but he was able to show him up and send him to Hell. When Goku says he wants to train with Yemma, Kami informs him that King Kai is stronger than Yemma. But we later learn that Vegeta and Nappa are stronger than even King Kai, so Goku becomes stronger than him in order to defeat the saiyans. But this is only the very beginning of the show and from here on out, every enemy is stronger than the last... so, how did King Yemma get rid of those guys? They were all just as evil as Raditz, in most cases more so undoubtably they would've put up a fight. Maybe after Raditz they decided to change the rules a little to prevent future incidents?

Again, about the Other World

So, we know people that are dead turn into funny looking clouds when they're just wandering around or waiting in line. An exceptionally good person like Goku or many of the other Z-fighters get to keep their bodies as a reward for leading honest lives. So why is it that villains keep their bodies as well? You might say, it may simply have to do with the strength of the person, but Piccolo himself explains the way this process works when Vegeta is about to sacrifice himself to kill Buu. He tells Vegeta he won't be able to keep his body because the life he lead was only for himself and he caused great pain throughout it. So there's that.

Cell, savior of humanity

Here's something I find strange that's not really a mistake. During the filler episodes leading up to the Cell Games, there's a scene where Cell flies into space to blast some meteors which conveniently happened to be floating by at the time. In a classic DBZ cliche, the last meteor is huge. Cell is standing between it and Earth. "I wonder if these miserable humans would enjoy a little light show." So he blasts the thing to bits saving the Earth and all of humanity. Albeit, he sent the shrapnel down at the planet, but they didn't cause any damage. Cell should be revered. That meteor was heading straight for the Earth with nothing to stop it before he stepped in. A true hero.

Gohan the Autist/Alien

Another one of my least favorite lines in the series, in the second episode of that useless filler saga when Gohan goes to high-school, Videl gets involved with a bus-jacking and has to fight them head-on. In case you forgot, she's the daughter of Mr.Satan the man who, allegedly, saved all of humanity from the evil Cell (which I swear on this stomach virus is true). That alone basically makes Videl a celebrity, but if that weren't enough, she goes around taking care of the dirty work that's too dangerous for the police force (Keep in mind, this is a show that involves wizards, aliens, demons and androids; it should not be a dilema to suspend your disbelief just a little further). So, anyway, Videl flies down with her absurd looking helicopter to "save the day." One of the old folks exclaims, "That's Videl! She's famous!" So, right from there, we know that Videl is so famous, that simply the helicopter she drives is recognizable enough to be able to identify the driver. Well, Videl fails miserably at her remarkably simple job and manages to drive the truck off of a cliff. Gohan, dressed as The Great Saiyaman flies in and catches the bus and brings them to safety. Hooray. After all that, The Great Saiyaman says something like, "Good try, Videl. We're totally gonna fuck someday, Videl." (Y'know, polite stuff) and promptly flies off. Videl then turns dramatically and says, "HOW DID HE KNOW MY NAME?"

...

Really, writers? Really? This is an obvious bode for drama and tension, since Gohan was still supposed to be disguised at this point in the show but what a dumfucked way to do it. I mentioned before that that old guy was able to recognize her by her vehicle. An old guy no less. Old people are always the pariahs of the pop culture, I mean, for God's sake, there are probably some old people who think Kurt Cobain is still alive. What I'm getting at here is that Videl is basically a superstar. The town she lives in, the same town the bus-jacking happened was named after her father, "Satan City." Come on people, if you know the town name you already know most of VIdel's name.

So, here's what Videl probably was think when she said that. I'll bet that looking at this dork, wearing a cape and helmet, she probably thought that he was mentally retarded (which would explain the whole, lifting the bus thing) therefore, she was amazed that he knew her name. She was probably about to congratulate him. Dumbass flew away. Or maybe she assumed he was an alien, lifting that bus and all (which would only be a half wrong assumption) and was all like, they know me on other planets!?

Vegeta finally hits puberty

In Dragonball GT, Vegeta has, rather hilariously so, allowed himself to grow a mustache.

No, seriously, I have just a ton of candy here.

Well, besides looking like a pedophile, that's all fine and dandy for him. Until that it, his daughter, Bulla, calls him out on it and tells him it makes him look "like a creep." Vegeta's pride is shattered and he promptly shaves it off. So, where's the catch? Rewind back to the Cell saga. After training in the hyperbolic time-chamber, Trunks' hair is very long. Bulma offers to cut it for him, and Goku asks why Vegeta doesn't get his cut. Vegeta responds with, "For your information, a Saiyan's hair doesn't change from the day they are born!" Well, that's pretty strange considering he grew out a mustache and all (did he do something with his hair too? I can't remember...). Maybe Vegeta picked up some hair growing stuff at the pharmacy. I'm not sure that that would work on a Saiyan and draw out their latent follicles. Now, that I think about it, how do any Saiyans have facial hair? Like King Vegeta. He had a goatee. Was he born with one? Nappa had a mustache and in one flashback had hair. Now of course, he could of shaved it off, but what about the fucking mustaches!? Perhaps what Vegeta was referring to before didn't apply to facial hair. That seems odd, that hair would be subjective like that, deciding where to grow. I don't know, maybe I'm over-thinking it. I mean honestly, we're talking about the facial hair of an alien race from an anime.

The Mystery Fighter

This might be a well-known mistake, I'm really not sure, but I noticed it when re-watching The Cell Games for the nth time. Cell crushes 16's head and Gohan transforms into SSJ2. His very first act after doing so, is to kill a Cell Jr. which he does in a delicate mannor involving tearing it's head from it's shoulders. Immediately after, he runs over to Krillin who is being attacked by two of these guys. Gohan kills one with a kick as soon as he puts Krillin down near Trunks. Some other Cell Jr.s attack him all at once. Gohan makes smoke happen and kicks the third Cell Jr. clean in two. Not long after this Gohan fires off some blasts and attacks two more fleeing Cell Jr.s after saying "I said before I could never forgive you." Both are torn in two by kicks and punches. He attacks two more Cell Jr.s trying to run away. One with the apparently popular move that tears things in two with your feet, and by decapitating the other one with his bare hands. Finally, he goes after the last one. He hits it through two mountains and kicks it in two again. Done. But wait a minute...  rewind. Before Gohan is a SSJ2, Cell in an attempt to awaken this power, counts the other fighters, which comes to a grand total of seven, and shits out seven mini-Cells accordingly. Let's do some math here.

1. Killed instantly subsequent to transforming via decapitation.

2. Killed after rescuing Krillin.

3. Killed in the smoke with body ripping kick.

4. Killed after badass line.

5. Killed right after 4 with a punch.

6. Killed with a kick.

7. Killed right after 6 via decapitation.

8? Punched through a mountain.

So, what the fuck? Did Cell shit out an eighth when no one was looking? Unlikely, he was standing by Gohan the whole time and that's a pretty noticeable technique. There's no way any of them were playing dead, we saw them get mercilessly torn apart right before our eyes. Perhaps then the eighth was merely a fighter who overslept and arrived at the tournament late and due to a horrible child disfigurement, looked exactly like a Cell Jr. That, or Gohan is just so badass that he can kill things twice. Seriously, if you don't believe me you can count for yourself.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=f3OUyq4r9OA

Dragon, please revive some of the humans

A tradition of DBZ is to summon the Eternal Dragon in order to revive all of the people who the newly defeated villain had killed. They do this every time, generally using the Earth Shenron to do so. But one of the rules of the Eternal Dragon is that he can't grant the same wish twice which as far as the Z-Fighters are concerned, means you can't bring someone back twice. But they wish this same thing every time they defeat an enemy, so what happens to everyone who died last time? Well, they're dead for keeps this time. So, in the end Cell did a real number on humanity didn't he?

Kamehaha or Kamehamehmeha

This is a quick one but I find it pretty funny. The first instance is when Goku is charging up the "Instant Kamehameha." He chants the classic words with several breaks in between, but if you listen closely, you'll notice that Goku only says "KA-MEH-HA..." and then "HA!" What happened to that second "MEH?" This is not the only time this happens. In episode 190, at the very end, just before Cell and Gohan blast each other (sofreakingepic.jpeg) Gohan says, again with several breaks in between, "KA-MEH-HA-MEH... MEH HA!" ...So, what? Are these strange variations of the normal attack? Maybe adding or taking away syllables makes them even more powerful. That's probably it.

Someone get me the Moon-Be-Gone

I feel like this is so blazingly obvious that it can't possibly be a mistake and that I'm analyzing this wrong but I suppose I'll bring it up anyway. Remember back to early Dragonball. In first world tournament finals, Goku fights Jackie Chun who was a disguised Master Roshi. Towards the end of the battle, Goku catches a glimpse of the full moon and goes ape-shit on everyone. Jackie Chun decides to blast the living fuck out of the completely innocent moon as Yamcha runs in shouting like a retard for ten minutes. The moon is destroyed, and Goku transforms back into a human, the fight continues. Skip ahead 173 episodes. Gohan is training in the wilderness and being watched over by Piccolo. Gohan goes ape. How? Well, he looks at the full moon of course! Piccolo does the only thing that makes sense and destroys the moon yet again. Ignoring the obvious environmental hazards that would be caused by destroying a planet sized mass of rock hovering above Earth, where the hell did that second moon come from? Did I miss something? I don't recall anyone wishing the moon back. This has to be the biggest error in the entire series. How did they forget that they already destroyed the fucking moon?

That's all I've got off the top of my head! Maybe I'll make another one some time.