Unquantifiable

Why I think music can't be rated

You may have noticed that I've been talking about music a little more lately. I try to shake up the variety by doing that sort of thing. As this is primarily a reviewal page, you might be weirded out by the fact that I never attach any finite numbers to songs, albums, whatever. As I touched on during my rant over the Grammys a few months back, I'm against the whole idea of deciding how good or how bad music is.
There's really no established criteria for rating music. I have no idea how those ass-clowns over at the Grammys decide which songs are better and which are worse but they apparently have some sort of secret formula that they input the music into which produces an answer.

This isn't fun! This is science!

Now, obviously, I know that that's not what they do but in all honesty, how they choose the winners is a complete mystery to me. I think that it's immoral to stamp numbers onto music based on how "good" it is. Why? Because music is an art.
They say that beauty is in the eye of the beholder and that couldn't be more accurate when you're talking about music. Testament to this is the fact that music itself is so diverse. How does one even compare two totally different genres and pick the better song?

Decide which is better. Start by comparing and contrasting.

However insanely different those two songs are, they're both music no matter how you look at it. You may not be crazy about Daft Punk (because I know there's no way you don't dig some Goregrind), but there's no denying that simply it's existence goes to show that someone out there is, otherwise the music wouldn't exist.

While it's true, however, the way you were raised has a direct effect on the music you enjoy, your taste is generally out of your conscientious control. It's a bit like fetishes in that you don't choose 'em, they choose you.

Weirdos.

But to digress, music is an art and I don't think DiVinci ever competed with anyone to make the prettiest canvas. Furthermore, rating music takes away from the creative ocean that is music. You have a group of famous, respected judges take a bunch of songs and say, "Yes, this is good. We like that." what do you think everyone is going to try and do?

Make that happen again so they can get a big shiny sticker on their latest single.

Art isn't a contest, it's a form of take-it-or-leave-it expression and music is no different. Even though genres like pop are based on doing the exact opposite of what I'm talking about here, it still applies. Giving music a rigid this-is-good outline is what made the Baroque period an imaginative wasteland. With music, you have to be willing to create and experiment and try things that have never been done before. Music is the penultimate of creativity.

Therefore, saying "You like things I don't like. Your music sucks." is bullshit and makes no sense in my brain. It's one thing to joke about that sort of thing over the internet but it's another to act that way in anything official and I'm looking at you again, Grammys.

Because this is what music is all about.

Music is an art. An unquantifiable idea that cultures have created and personalized over all of human history and while I still think that you're a fucking idiot for listening to Grindcore, you can do what you want because, hey, it's your fetish. In music there are no laws, no truths and no right and wrong. There are only opinions and ambiguity.

The Great Gatsby

- Most anticipated film of 2013 -

Obviously, I've been looking forward to this movie for awhile now. I named it as one of my most anticipated films for 2013 and I've been counting down the months until it's release since I learned of it's existence when it was announced a few years ago. The Great Gatsby is one of my favorite books so naturally, I really wanted it to be an amazing film.

That being said, you've probably figured out already that I went in with too high expectations. Not quite as high as when I had gone in to see Prometheus around the same time last year, but I still was expecting it to be one of the standout films of 2013.

It's never a healthy choice to do that because you'll always be disappointed.

From what I've seen, this movie has garnered a lot of mixed reviews. I'm not about to bitch about it and tell you that I didn't like it because I did, but it wasn't everything I'd wanted or thought it would be.

So, it didn't meet my high expectations. Whatever. It was still a good movie.

One of the best things I can say for it is that it was well casted. Every actor was spot-on and perfect especially Leonardo DiCaprio as the man himself, Gatsby. I had doubts about weather or not DiCaprio was the right guy to portray Gatsby when I went in, but after seing just a second of his screen time, he won me over and I realized that he couldn't have been more perfect in the role. Even Toby Maguire, who, historically, is an actor I'm not a fan of, did really well in this movie and, honestly, I think it's his best role.

As far as the adaptation aspect goes, it was flawless. Just about every line in the movie is a direct quote from the book and the writers didn't try to fuck with us by needlessly changing things around, a common practice that I believe I have ranted about before.

Well, that all sounds quite good, so what is it about this movie that I didn't like?

For starters, there's the gratuitous usage of CG. Pretty much every landscape shot in the film is fake and obviously so. For a movie that really didn't need it, it sure had a plethora of visual effects that I found to be really distracting throughout the film.

Besides that, there's the application of modern pop music as opposed to what the characters would be listening to in reality, swing. Why that was done, I have no idea. It almost feels like the filmmakers were trying to pander to a larger audience by sensationalizing it like that but it just felt really out of place, especially in a film where the music plays such a key role.

The contemporary dance music combined with the excessive CG made it really difficult for me to place myself in the movie and make myself believe that it was the 20's. That may sound like a petty complaint but it's all too necessary when you want to rope your audience into the film.

As a tradeoff to the damage done by the over-the-top CG, just about every second of the movie is a joy to look at. It's a very stylish and visual film, which I'm all about. It's hard not to enjoy the many booming party scenes that are simply exploding with energy. That's what I think this movie had in droves: energy. Everywhere you look there are extravagant colors and music and dancing and all sorts of wonders for the eye to behold. That's certainly a plus for this film and I can see that they were really trying to capture the life of the "Roaring 20's", but I wish they'd gone about it in a way that didn't involve awkwardly removing the viewer from the time-period.

Worth it?

So, all in all, yeah, it's definitely a good movie. Not as good as I'd hoped and it may not end up being one of the standout films this year but still definitely worth the watch. I still have a nagging feeling like there was something sadly absent from this movie; something dreadfully void. Maybe it's me still trying to cope with my inability to place myself in the time or maybe it's something else. If you do happen to see it, which I still recommend, try to pay attention for that because I seem to be at a loss for words.

8.5/10 - Memorable. Would watch multiple times.

In Memory of Ray Harryhausen

Yesterday the world of cinema lost film legend, Ray Harryhausen. His works, largely circulating around movie monsters, made countless classics and inspired the works of James Cameron, Steven Spielberg, George Lucas, John Landis, Nick Park and more. George Lucas once said, "Without Ray Harryhausen, there would likely have been no Star Wars."

Inspired by the works of Willis O'Brien whose works namely include the masterpiece, King Kong. O'Brien mentored Ray for awhile and eventually encouraged him to pursue art and sculpture. That was around when Harryhausen became friends with Ray Bradbury, who at the time was an aspiring writer who would later become lifelong friends.

The Beast from 20,000 Fathoms became his first major work in 1953. From there he would go on to create some of the most impressive and critically praised special effects to be featured in cinematic history which he not only animated but often wrote himself. His works include, Clash of the Titans, The Valley of Gwangi, The Voyages of Sinbad, Earth vs. the Flying Saucers, It Came from Beneath the Sea and, my personal favorite, Jason and the Argonauts.

Cinema has taken a great blow. Harryhausen was one of the people who inspired me to get into movies and I'm not sure if anyone could ever fill his shoes. He certainly left his mark on film history.

I'm generally pretty morbid about the future of movies and how these days filmmakers cheap-out with CG but I'm not going to get into any of that today. I just wanted to say a few words and to take some time to remember that visionary. Rest in Peace, Ray Harryhausen, you will be missed.

7/29/20 - 05/07/13

"I think all of us who are practioners in the arts of science fiction and fantasy movies now all feel that we’re standing on the shoulders of a giant. If not for Ray's contribution to the collective dreamscape, we wouldn't be who we are." - James Cameron

Top 10 Albums of 2012

Yeah, I know it's a little late.

But I haven't been posting enough about music and I've been thinking about the best albums released in 2012. I've said before that how "good" music is is an entirely taste-based thing, so this is in my opinion. Also, note that I don't listen to every single album that gets released so if you think I missed something substantial, I probably didn't ever listen to it.

Okay. Let's begin.

10. True Defiance by Demon Hunter

Demon Hunter has been around since the early 2000's and their one of the bands that got me into the metal scene. Demon Hunter made a full recovery since their slight disappointment of the previous title, The World is a Thorn.

9. Sedition by Hour of Penance

Demon Hunter is certainly a bit lighter on the spectrum of metal which makes this album a near 180. Hour of Penance has never been better with last year's Sedition; a raging explosion of some of the heaviest metal there is with tracks like Decimate the Ancestry sounding like the band was trying to find out just how heavy a song can be. It's vehemently anti-religion stance may be obnoxiously cliche, but it doesn't detract from the album's brutality.

8. The Royal Thousand by Glass Cloud

This band's debut album, The Royal Thousand is a just solid from beginning to end (insert dick joke here). With every song on it's track listings being memorable, save for maybe two of them, it's great. It has heavy usage of clean vocals, which may be a turn off for some listeners, but they sound nice without being too whiney so it works.

7. Abnegate by Signal the Firing Squad

This is STFS's second album and actually was the first I'd ever heard of the band. While tracks like Abominator and Into the Mouth of the Leviathan stand out to me, Abnegate doesn't have a single weak point. It's growling, earth shattering brutality through and through.

6. Emerald Forest and the Blackbird by Swallow the Sun

Swallow the Sun is one of the best names in Doom these days and their most recent album, Emerald Forest and the Blackbird, is among, if not, their finest work. It starts off with it's title song which is rather beautiful in my opinion and it keeps it's mood throughout which is, rather surprisingly, less melancholy as one would think, the telltale sign of a Doom band being gloomy and bleakness but it works and I like it. Furthermore, I really like the name of the album, Emerald Forest and the Blackbird. Puts a nice image in my head.

5. Throes of Absolution by 7 Horns 7 Eyes

You may notice that the top few slots are largely dominated by Prog metal, which is what I consider to be my favorite genre. The unknown seattle band, 7 Horns 7 Eyes debuted their first EP back in 2006. In 2012 they finally release their first full record, Throes of Absolution, a beast of an album that thrives heavily on it's atmospheric tones that are surprisingly uplifting at times. The growls are among the best I've heard and the guitars are fast and beautiful.

4. The Weight of Oceans by In Mourning

Just barely beating out 7 Horns 7 Eyes and equally unkown, The Weight of Oceans is by far In Mourning's best work. Taking heavy influence from both Prog and Melodic Death Metal, it's an amazing blend of melodies and growls. It's opening song, Colossus is only the icing on the cake that is The Weight of Oceans. Every song feels very connected, almost as if they tell a story which may not be far from the truth because every song is has the same subject matter: sailing. Don't confuse this with that dreaded Pirate Metal though, because that's not what this album is about. A fantastic work that deserves more recognition than it's getting.

3. Neverbloom by Make Them Suffer

Another debut, Neverbloom is such a flawless masterpiece that calling it deathcore is an insult. The album is relentlessly attacking and with tracks like Maelstrom and Weeping Wastelands barely gives you time to breathe. It's heavy usage of atmospheric tones make for a dark, dramatic experience and fully orchestrated sections and some of the best lyrics in metal only heighten that. Every song is a standout song. A pulse-pounding blast of in your face metal that goes way above and beyond deathcore's dreary standard. Can't wait to see more from this group.

2. Other Slices by Slice the Cake

If there was ever perfection in a metal band, it is the international trio with an unassuming name, Slice the Cake. The Prog metal band released it's first and second full album in 2012, the latter of which being Other Slices. This incredible symphony of music is everything it's been hyped up to be by other reviewals. It's practically perfection with multiple structured and creative instrumental interludes that add a great deal to the album rather than just existing for taking up space. The full songs are just as brutal as they are beautiful. A few songs have some clean vocals mixed in which work nicely with the rest of the music that transitions frequently, as is typical of Prog metal. An amazing work of art.

1. The Man With No Face by Slice the Cake

That's right, this band gets both the 1 and 2 slots because that's just how fucking badass they are. The Man With No Face is a masterpiece of music. It goes from angry to emotional to dark to emotional along with other dips and dives showing that this band can do more than the same thing over and over. It starts off strong with Rational Thinking and gets better and better from there with titles like Of Gallows which features some clean vocals being the more emotional part and As Written in Pnakotus being the darker side. It all crescendos flawlessly in the twenty-one-minute title song, The Man With No Face. This isn't some cheap five minute song with fifteen-minutes of silence and then a short joke track, it's a full arrangement that sports six movements and never does it disappoint. An amazing work of art.

This album stands at a daunting full hour but I guarantee that every minute is worth it. Barely a year old and I already know it backwards. The Man With No Face is nothing short of the best album of 2012.

Jeepers Creepers

I caught this flick on TV a few days ago. It'd gotten the prime time hotspot known as 4am, so it had to contend with constant erectile dysfunction pill advertisements over it's entire 2 hour slot. I had actually never seen it before even though it came out in 2001, so I decided sit through it.

Much to my surprise, Justin Long, y'know, that dude from Accepted, was the lead role. I actually like Justin Long, I think he's funny and all but to see him in a horror movie was interesting. He played his part well though so, no complaints there.

Besides him, the rest of the cast is pretty weak or otherwise unremarkable. But it's horror so quality acting isn't something anyone would likely bet on, so as long as their above horrible, it's alright.

The movie starts and we have our two characters, Long, whose name is Darry, and his sister, Trish, driving down a road in the middle of fucking nowhere, naturally. Pretty soon, some jerkoff in the sketchiest truck of all time decides he doesn't like them and tries to run the siblings off of the road. Seriously, he does this for no reason whatsoever.

If you can manage to put yourself in that situation, it's a pretty freaky scene. The thought of that happening is a nightmare of it's own.

They let the guy pass them and he drives off. Not too long after they see the same truck parked by an old church where a guy in dark clothing is throwing a bloody body into a big rusty pipe. The guy sees the shit out of them, jumps in his truck, runs them off of the road again and then drives off because apparently that's good enough.

Darry decides that they have to go and check out whatever that dude was up to so they drive on back to the church and start peering down the pipe. He hollers down and all but he can't see anything so he has Trish hold onto his feet as he crawls partway down. It's all fun and games until he sees rats and starts flailing around like an asshole. Naturally, Trish drops him and he falls into the evil lair which is more of a basement, only with stitched-up, dead bodies everywhere.

I'll admit, it's a pretty scary scene because the whole time, you're worried that the bad guy is going to come back and turn intestines into streamers.

Well, Trish and Darry realize they're in danger and flee the scene. They arrive at a diner and receive a phone-call where some woman tells them a bundle of bewildering warnings, including that if they hear the song Jeepers Creepers, bad things are going to happen.

So, the two get a police escort. All of the sudden, Jeepers Creepers comes on the radio.

And this is where the movie starts going downhill.

The creepy guy jumps on top of the cop car and pulls one of them out through the window and decapitates the other with a battle axe.

Where the shit did that come from?

Up until here, the movie had been pretty subtle, relying on suspense and it was working, I was into it. But no, the rest of the movie just gets dumber and dumber, failing to be suspenseful or scary in any way. It's just a cliche monster movie. By the way, the monster looks like he belongs in a fucking X-Men comic.

Anyway, from there on out the monster just chases them around and it gets more and more absurd... and I mean absurd in a bad way.

It turns out that the monster can never die because it eats people's body parts and replaces them with his own, which is an interesting idea but it doesn't really add anything to the movie, it's just a backstory. If you missed that tidbit of information, you'd just see the monster eating people, you wouldn't be confused. Also an interesting plot point that doesn't really matter, the whole Jeepers Creepers song being a bad omen. There's really no reason for it to even be there, it's hardly even used, much less explained.

Surprisingly, as much as I disliked this movie, I came to find out that it's insanely popular. It garnered largely positive reviews and broke the record for highest grossing Labor-Day weekend films. It now sits at the number 5 spot just behind none other than Jeepers Creepers 2.

So that's Jeepers Creepers. A movie that started off great and then got dumb as shit and kept me up until 6am. It's not scary, it's just cliche. Oh, and don't expect an ending because it doesn't have one.

Run in terror.

4.5/10 - Some redeeming qualities but lame overall.