The Aculeus Review

It has been a long time coming, but you are now reading The Aculeus's 100th post. Today I'm celebrating the festivities by reviewing some of the most classic articles as published here on this very site. I give you, The Aculeus Review.

The Dark Knight Rises Review - 7/30/12

There are all sorts of things going just utterly wrong here. It almost looks as if it's composed in a list format and it makes me wonder if the person who wrote it had ever read another film review in their life. Why the hell does it keep breaking up the text into short thought paragraphs? Also, who the fuck chose these shitty images? Is that a creepy joke implying that Anne Hathaway is hot?

While touching on some important points, this article seems to miss the big picture. It's difficult to get a coherent idea of what the film is actually like due to the way it's constantly interrupting itself. It's just too brief in it's thoughts and it would be improved if the writer had let each point be elaborated rather then just laying the bare minimum.

2/10 - Not bad points, but lacks direction

Moving right along.

Let's Talk About Manga... - 7/29/12

To this day, I'm not sure what the purpose of this article is. The author simply goes about tearing apart this poor DeviantArtist's work as if it were being compared to the Mona Lisa. People make shitty art every day, it's not a crime. I also love the way the author tries to cover it up at the end by giving a bullshit moral like, "If you aren't good, you shouldn't submit!" Who the hell is this guy anyway? What gives him the authority to tell people not to post? Some poor ten year old probably drew this and I'll bet this article broke his heart.

3/10 - Funny but seemingly useless and overtly mean spirited

Up next...

Gas Powered Toaster Ovens - 10/21/12

Very well stated, touched on a strongly controversial topic, got to the "gut" of the issue and prodded "the real questions".

8.25/10 - Very intriguing

Keep it up.

Prometheus Review - 7/30/12

July 30th was a dark day for online journalism. This review is simply far too short to base any sort of opinion towards the aforementioned film. I like how the author felt the need to say that bullshit at the top in order to excuse the review's pained existence. As if people are going to give a damn, they have to go and make a weird excuse like that.

Oh, and thanks for telling us what other reviewals said about this movie. I mean, it's not like I couldn't already look them up, right? This article doesn't seem to have it's opinion made up about the film at all and the author just sort of circumvents the topic. What an asshole.

4/10 - Waste of time

Last but least...

I Hate This - 7/30/12

What the fuck even is this article? Can this actually be considered journalism? It's just one run-on sentence that states things that everyone already knows. Does that say ">mfw"? Are we trying to greentext on other websites now? I can't deduce much from this work because, well, there's simply not enough substance to talk about. Utter trash. "I Hate This"? Try "I Hate This Article".

0/10 - Takes ten seconds to read, but you could be spending them wiser

All in all, this site sucks, and I'm amazed that anyone still reads it. You're out there somewhere, fans. Thanks for the readers and thanks to the regulars for sticking with me through it. Here's to the next 100.