HBO is Awkward for Me

I don't watch any HBO programs myself but...

My parents watch it all the time. Whenever I'm around their house and when that's going on, all I can hear is sex noises coming from the living room.

Of course, the only shows they can sit through are littered with hardcore sex scenes...

There is no plot here

Porn under the guise of a decent story

That's what I always say. Game of Thrones, Deadwood, The Sopranos. Yep, all just elaborate pornos. See, HBO wanted to change the stereotype of the porno with the paper thin plot, so they came up with this stuff.

My parents always try to argue but I'm obviously right.

Of course, a porno is a porno and the HBO series are no exceptions. Something about winter coming? Please, not even subtle.

A a family of gangsters? More like a family of gang-bangers.

Frontier settling towns? More like frontier poon hounds.

So, obviously, you can tell that HBO is just 'classy' porno flicks.

Don't be my parents.

Don't waste your time

The CoD Fanboy's Code

1. I don't care who you are, I had sex with your mom last night.

2. Look sensitivity is an immediate reflection of skill.

3. If you're better than me, you're probably hacking.

4. CoD is the best shooter ever made.

5. Every flaw in the game I will blame on the developers.

6. Every succeeding CoD game is better than the last.

7. Veteran is the only difficulty requiring skill.

8. Quick scoping takes skill.

9. Camping is a legitimate strategy.

10. If you don't prestige, you're a pussy.

11. I will use every curse I know per game.

12. If we're on a team, it's your fault.

13. Unless we won.

14.  Everyone else plays cheap.

15. If I'm playing bad, it's probably because I haven't played in eight months.

16. Even the cheapest gun in the game requires skill.

17. But only if I'm using it.

18. I can get the top killstreak if I want to.

19. Ninja Pro is the best perk ever made because I am a ninja.

20. UAV's and AUAV's are things that help the team effort and therefore are useless to me, unlike AC130's.

21. Lone-Wolfing is the only way to play.

22. You are gay no matter what.

Top Eight Anime Villains

As you may have already gathered

I fancy myself an anime fan. I, like anyone, enjoys a good bad guy. That guy you just love to hate. I've compiled a list of my own favorites. You may or may not agree, but to me, these guys are the best of the baddies. (CONTAINS SPOILERS)

8. Wei (Darker Than Black)

You gotta love this guy. He is a contractor, which means he can only use his powers after completing a payment. Every contractor has their own payment, but his is especially brutal. He has to cut himself but really, he's killing two birds with one stone, because his power is that he can disintegrate anything his blood touches. All it takes is the flick of the wrist and a snap of the fingers and BANG! You're dead.

This character fights Hei (the main character) a few different times and never does it disappoint. This is not a show that's heavy on action, but the action that's there is fast and awesome and Wei has the best fights of 'em all.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OH7VTC_szRw

7.  Pride/King Bradley (Fullmetal Alchemist)

How can you go wrong with a guy who's name is one of the Seven Deadly Sins? Pride is one of the seven homunculi in Fullmetal Alchemist, and he's the most mysterious and surprising one of them all. It's a great plot twist and is completely unexpected. When Pride shows his true face, the first thing he does is kill someone and in a terrible way (sliding his sword into Alfonze's armor where a character is

hiding).

The oraborous, which is on every homunculi, is on his eye which he conceals with an eye-patch. Pride is charge of the entire military which makes it all the more terrible to find out that he's a villain, but it's even more surprising to find that he's not the man in charge, but I'm getting off subject, if you want that, I recommend watching the show.

6. The Kishin/Asura (Soul Eater)

I love The Kishin because of how much he's foreshadowed. He kind of reminds me of Buu from DBZ in the way that you know he's going to be revived. When he's finally alive he does not disappoint. The Kishin nearly destroys humanity by using his madness alone. That's right, in this show, madness is more of an element than an idea and The Kishin is the embodiment of madness.

Lord Death, seals The Kishin in a bag made out of The Kishin's skin, which is now all stretched and looks like cloth and it's all he ever wears.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sDNlSMU4LXk

Although, I don't really like the end of the fight, the last battle they have against him is pretty damn cool.

5. Gin Ichimaru (Bleach)

Now here's a guy you just love to hate. Gin Ichimaru is the greatest jerk around. He won't just beat the hell out of you but he'll ruin your hopes and dreams in the process. In one scene, he breaks Rukia's (who is soon to be executed) resolve by offering her a way of saving her own life and then, as soon as it sinks in that she might not die (she had previously thought that she was ready to die) he leans in and says, "I lied!" and he does this for no real reason at all and he just walks on by because it pleases him to no end.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vlLWYMzNGTE

I just love his face, he's got that "I'm better than you and we both know it" demeanor.

For a decent portion of the season 3, we're led to believe that he's behind all of this stuff… which is completely true although he's not exactly in charge. All in all, Ichimaru is that guy that lives to be an asshole.

4. Vegeta (DBZ)

Vegeta is a good guy, for the most part, which may confuse some of you as to why he is on this list, but allow me to explain.

When we first meet Vegeta he is already planning to destroy earth. Not simply out of pleasure (although he does enjoy it), but because he's after the Dragonballs and thus immortality. It's made clear that Vegeta is the most elite warrior of his race (the Saiyans), and Goku (or Kakarot as he calls him) is a third class nobody.

Vegeta is one of three remaining Saiyans. Goku is one and the other is Vegeta's partner Nappa and once Nappa is defeated by Goku, Vegeta wastes no time in finishing him off after he asks for his help. Now, it's commonplace for a Dragonball Z villain to kill their own men, but I think Vegeta may have been the first and he didn't just kill some underling, he killed his right hand and his only friend and besides that he just killed a third of his fucking species.

Vegeta remains a villain until he's forced to join with the Z-Fighters to combat Freiza. But that's not the last we see of his bad side. Over the duration of the show, Vegeta remains an arrogant bastard, churning out some of the best lines, that are always dramatic and overly-intense sounding. His moves are explosive and deadly. His goal is to become the strongest in the universe though he is constantly over-shadowed by Goku which drives him mad.

Towards the end of the show, Babidi uses his magic to reawaken the evil in Vegeta's heart (which Vegeta later admits was what he'd wanted Babidi to do all along), and now he's a bad guy again. He shows up at the world tournament and destroys a large portion of the stadium with ablast Goku failed to deflect. Vegeta suggests that it was deliberate and when Goku doubts that even he could be so cruel, Vegeta lifts his hand and blasts away another few hundred people, all with a twisted grin.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7khrnZCQUog

His only motive is to fight Goku, to prove that he is the strongest, and despite the efforts of both Babidi and the Supreme Kai trying to stop them, the battle commences in what was known as The Long Awaited Fight. And damn, was it worth it.

3. Creature of the Abyss of the North/The Silver Eyed King/Easley (Claymore)

Here's a villain that's quite a bit different from the rest on this list. Easley is one of the three Creatures of the Abyss which may be the most foreboding title anyone has ever received. Throughout the third act of the show, he is watching over everyone and pulling all the strings. Nothing happens if Easley doesn't want it to happen.

You never do see him fight or even transform into his true form, but that's why he's so awesome. He's so mysterious and ominous for the duration of the show. He takes Raki under his wing for training although there's no discernable benefit for himself and he keeps Pricilla as his company who is an Awakened Being and is constantly flying off the handle and trying to kill people. Easley could do all that but he doesn't need to. If he wanted to, he could easily kill everyone without even trying.

In the last episode, we do see him release some of his power, but only as a threat. 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ru7l9spiLl8

(Start around 4:20)

He has no need to waste time fighting, he let's others fight amongst themselves. His motives are never really made clear. His right hand Rigaldo: The Silver Eyed Lion King, is killed but Easley is neither amused nor distruaght but rather intrigued by the strength of the Claymores. After his invasion of Pieta fails, he simply leaves. In the final battle, he intervenes but only when it is over to ensure Pricilla is not harmed. He let's the characters have their fun but calmly puts an end to it before it get's out of hand like a parent. And that's why I love Easley. He's the mysterious overseer.

2. Kenpachi (Bleach)

Sure, he's not a villain for very long, but I'm going to focus on when he was. Kenpachi is the perfect kind of insane. Kenpachi lives to fight because anything else is simply not worth his time. Now, you may be thinking that he sounds an awful lot like Vegeta, but Kenpachi goes beyond that. He feels no pain and doesn't care if he's bleeding buckets. As long as he's still standing, he'll still be trying to kill you and he'll do it with a psychotic grin on his face.

In one scene, when he fights Tousen, Tousen uses his Bankai which makes Kenpachi blind and deaf as long as he's inside a barrier. But Tousen is stunned when Kenpachi can still fight. Kenpachi purposefully allows Tousen to stab him because he realizes that as long as he's in contact with him, he can see. If that doesn't spell badass, nothing does.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pXRqg3XpLFY

The company he keeps is such a perfect contrast to his personality. Yachiru refers to Kenpachi as Kenny and can be found riding on his shoulder most of the time.

I don't know… this guy just makes me happy. Every time he's on screen, you can't take your eyes off him. He wears a specially made eye-patch to suck up his power because otherwise he wouldn't be able to stop himself from going overboard, his sword is corroded from use and is silent which proves to be his one weakness, he won't fight if the battle bores him, he occasionally allows his opponents chances just for sport when he could end it whenever he wanted and if he's beaten, all he wants is to come right back and try again.

Kenpachi was the first captain Ichigo ever defeated so the stakes were naturally high. The fight ends with one of the best cliffhangers I've ever seen.

So that's Kenpachi, the guy I think of when someone says badass. He should have a picture next to that word in the dictionary.

1. Cell (DBZ)

What could be worse than having to battle yourself? Having to fight your friends as well. Cell is delightfully, wrapped in mystery for several episodes before his plan is unveiled. He was created by combining the Cells of the greatest fighters in the universe and is the 'perfect' being and damn does he want to make sure you know that.

From the moment we meet Cell, it's made clear that he will get what he wants and he doesn't care who he has to kill to do it. He also gets some of the most brutal kills of the show. Painfully absorbing his victims into his being just makes him all the more powerful. Be you man, woman or child, to Cell you are food.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Xk8TV_Z5dZk

And it's even better when he's complete.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=U9oqLmQJiRU

(Start around 2:00)

Those are the voice acting talents of Daemeon Clarke, which is my favorite voice in the show (in the role that got his career started) accompanied by Cell's theme which is debatably the best music in the show.

Unlike many of the other villains, Cell is cunning level-headed, for the most part. Never before had the stakes been so high and never before had the whole world been involved in a crisis. But besides all that, Cell's finale is too epic to be described and must be seen to be believed.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZWcgZZ_GRhM&feature=related

(You won't get the full effect without seeing the entire Cell saga)

This list is specific to anime, but Cell would make the top of this list even if it were of any genre. For those guys you just love to hate, Cell is the baddest of the bad.

Prometheus Review

I was asked to do a review of this so I'll give it a shot.

I first learned of this movie from a poster that caught my eye when I went to see The Deathly Hallows: Part 2. I was already a fan of Ridley Scott, the man who made Alien, and the poster looked mysterious.

When I got home I checked out the trailer.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sftuxbvGwiU

I cried.

The trailer is deliberately elusive to the plot but a fan of the original movies would immediately know what it was. The familiar music, sets and of course the iconic title sequence were all there and it was being made by Ridley Scott.

Needless to say, I went into this movie with the highest expectations possible

This movie has gotten some mixed reviews

One thing you can't expect from this movie is action. There's not much and I think that may have disappointed some viewers. The movie is largely philosophical. It's all about the deeper meanings and there are quite a few people who give it their best to write about that, but I won't because I don't want to spoil anything.

It's clear that this movie is very different from the rest of the series. For one thing it's a prequel rather than the usual sequel and it doesn't star Sigourney Weaver. That being said, a non-Alien franchise fan, could watch the entire movie, enjoy it and not even know it was part of another series.

*SORT OF A SPOILER?*

There's no Xenomorph action which must have been disappointing for the fans and I'll admit I was a little let down but I get why it was done that way.

The movie was about the creation of the Xenomorphs not about fighting them, and it had become clear in recent years that the series couldn't just keep going for that sort of action.

Painfully clear.

So it's understandable and commendable to try something so different. Movies these days are typically going for the same format. Just do whatever worked last time. So, I always love to see a change.

It's the kind of movie that you may want to watch twice

Yeah, it's one of those movies. It's tough to really get it the first time. You've really got to pay attention.

The storyline is suspenseful and engaging. You're always dying to know what's going to happen next and although the action is few and far between, it's always great and the final scenes are intense.

All in all?

Great movie, just don't expect your regular Alien flick.

Here's Something I Just Can't Wrap My Head Around...

If you had a childhood, then I'm sure Hollywood tried to ruin it for you.

With guys like Michael Bay out there, we just can't be too careful. Our childhoods are being destroyed left and right.

Case in point: the Transformers movies.

This should not be the first result when I search "Transformers"

I didn't even watch Dark of the Moon (3rd) because Revenge of the Fallen (2nd) was an abomination.

Michael Bay is the worst kind of director in my opinion, but that's a topic for another post, I'm here to talk about childhood abuse.

Please, help me understand this...

Michael Bay, to our horror announced that he was starting production on a Ninja Turtles movie and that instead of turtles they would be... (wait for it).

Yeah

That's inexcusable. As if mutating turtles was too unrealistic or something and, knowing him, it'd be a CG explosion-fest. Fortunately this terror was stopped or at least put on hold until further notice. I never want to see a Ninja Turtles movie as envisioned by Michael Bay.

You may be thinking that it's obvious that the movie would be canceled. Aliens instead of turtles? You're only going to piss people off. No one would want to see that.

Well, I mournfully say that these films are made all the time.

Did anyone see this movie, Dragonball Evolution?

Well, don't. It's an abomination.

I'm a huge fan of the Dragonball series and because it was a big part of my childhood, I knew it only made sense that a movie would mess it all up. But I couldn't have imagined how bad it was going to be.

I don't even need to argue against this movie, it's painful just to talk about. This movie had so little in common with the show that it's absurd. All I can ask is, why?

WHO IS YOUR TARGET AUDIENCE?

If your answer is not the fans, then you should not be allowed to direct it.

What is the point of changing so much? And not even necessarily plot-points, but things like the way King Piccolo looks.

I've seen better looking aliens in Star Trek.

Why do that? I can't imagine what was going through their heads when they made this movie.

Dragonball Evolution is the sort of film that's going to appeal to fans and they'll make up most of your audience. A non-fan doesn't want to go see a Dragonball movie. Why would he? It's a movie about green aliens and energy blasts.

So, by making these changes all you've accomplished is alienating the non-fans and annoying the actual fans.

So how did it do?

It was both a box office and critical disaster getting as low as 14% on some ratings. Not only that but it was a finalist Worst Picture.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/30th_Golden_Raspberry_Awards

I hope someone can explain all this

Because it makes no sense to me. It should be clear as crystal. You make a movie based on something so you try to be true to it. Don't change a ton of minute details even if you're not basing it off of a specific event from your source work.

Moral: If you make a Dragonball movie, do it right.

For me.

I Think the Commentators Need to Calm Down.

If you've been watching the 2012 Olympics

Then you probably have seen the swimming sports and if you're in America then you probably know that the commentators really like Michael Phelps.

I understand that he's American and he's debatably the best swimmer in the world and he's damn near the world record holder for medals won, I mean America loves Michael Phelps

Obviously

 but honestly, the commentators don't talk about anything else.

They may be a little bit biased...

I think that in the very first heat, Michael Phelps didn't win, he came in second. Because their favorite Olympian wasn't winning, they had to make some excuses.

"Well, Michael Phelps didn't really need that win."

Really? Because he barely qualified at the end of the heat.

So in the next round

Michael Phelps wasn't in it, but the other American was and, get this...

They still only talked about Michael Phelps.

Not entirely, actually, but through most of it. What does Phelps do before a race? What does he do after a race? Why is he so great? All of these questions and more will be answered DURING A DIFFERENT GAME. Save that shit for an interview or something.

Like Phelps, the other American (whose name fails me), comes in second. So what do the commentators think of that?

"Well, that was a good warm up for Phelps and [other American]."

Wat

I didn't change that quote. He actually said that. How degrading to the other swimmers. I understand that you root for your own country and you want to hear more about your athletes, the commentators should be talking about their athletes more, but this is way way overboard.

Not only that but...

During an interview before the match, the anchor asked Phelps...

"Would you say you are the best Olympian of all time?"

HOW THE HELL IS HE GOING TO ANSWER THAT?

mfw

I felt bad for Phelps, there was no way he could respond to that without sounding like a narcissistic douche. So, what did he do? He didn't answer. He shrugged the question off.

Way to embarrass the poor guy on national television.

So, a message to the commentators:

Please

Calm your shit.

Why Napping Sucks

This is honestly just a bad idea

I hate it when I take a nap in the middle of the day because it fucks up my entire day.

I only ever take a nap when I pulled an all-nighter the night before and I just can't keep my eyes open.

When you wake from the nap, you realize how unsatisfying the nap was.

The nap is never going to make you feel well-rested for some reason. You wake up and you feel immediately exhausted, you have that morning feeling but X3.

And I hate mornings.

The confusion

I never seem to have any idea what the hell is going on after I take a nap. I've only taken a couple in my life, so I'm used to the idea that when you go to sleep everything sort of resets. The night becomes day and people start to wake up. That makes it very surreal to wake up and find the people that were already awake still up. Besides that, it becomes difficult to figure out what day it is, I'll go for an entire hour thinking it's tomorrow in that back of my mind. I hate it.

It also never helps

I already said that you still feel tired after a nap but it also screws up your sleeping patterns. Your body expects a nap so it becomes hard to readjust to your normal sleep times. So, if you take one nap, expect to be taking a nap at the same time forever.

I Hate This

I hate it when

You've been up all night and you look at the clock and it says 3:00 and you're like "Phucket! I can stay up a little longer!" And then ten minutes later it's 5:00 AM and you try to sleep but you look out the window and it's getting brighter out.

Pic related: mfw

The Dark Knight Rises Review

The Dark Knight Rises

I saw this movie for the second time a few days ago.

Figured I may as well do a review of this movie. I'll try to avoid spoilers.

The Dark Knight Rises Vs. The Dark Knight

The Dark Knight is honestly a masterpiece. It perfectly blended action and suspense and Batman has never been so badass. It should be counted as one of the greats of cinema. Not to say anything against The Dark Knight Rises, but The Dark Knight is the better film. It's still a really good movie but if you compare it to The Dark Knight, it's doomed.

As for the movie itself...

The action is, as always, quick and epic. Some people may be annoyed by the slow beginning, (which is exactly like The Great Gatsby, I swear I'm not crazy) but the action is worth it. The movie is on a more epic scale than the previous films and in the end it's just an all out war. It's just an epic way to end the trilogy.

Look at how happy he is.

Hans Zimmer is the shit

'Nuff said.

For some reason...

...I heard some guy complaining about Catwoman as I left the theatre (I'll bet he was lucid dreaming the whole time). He said that there was really no point of her being there. I'm not sure that's totally true... She has at least some plot purpose.

Bane

I was actually really surprised when I heard Bane's voice. I thought it was going to be really dark and deep, but it's not. Weird.

Fans may be pissed that Bane is completely different than the Bane from the comics. He's not super ripped or anything, but Christopher Nolan was always doing his own version of the series, so I wasn't very surprised. If that's not enough for you... I'm sorry, just get over it.

Bane's voice is a little hard to understand so, be sure to go to a theatre with a good sound system.

It is sort of odd though. I don't really understand the decision to make Bane the villain of the last movie. Why not save The Joker for last movie? He is Batman's arch enemy. I wonder what factored in that choice.

Overall

A great action movie. It's Christopher Nolan so you can expect his usual work, which is always very well done. It's clear how much work went into making it. It's the finale we've been waiting for. But it's the kind of movie you have to see in theaters to fully enjoy.

Why V-Necks Are Better

I'm here to tell you that V-Necks are better than any other kind of shirt.

V-Necks are the pinnacle of style. Don't even try to argue it. You can't. The facts are plain as can be.

fig.1

Pre-V-Neck

Look at how lame this guy is. Would you want to be this guy? No. Because he's wearing a normal     T-shirt. Note the lack of V on the collar. This man will never get any girls. Don't be this man.

fig.2

Now, just look at this guy. Note that there is a V on his collar. The V automatically makes him that much cooler. He is the kind of guy who will get many ladies. All thanks to the V-Neck.

Refer to this direct comparison

fig.3

fig.4

From this comparison, the differences of coolness between V verses non-V becomes extremely clear.

Evesdropping

I went to see The Dark Knight Rises last week and when I was in line, the guy behind me was telling another guy about a movie he's "totally" going to make. My guess is that they were art students or something but the conversation was plenty of entertainment in the line.

The first guy who was sort of short with a scraggly black beard that I'm sure he never trims, was telling another guy who was tall, lanky, and shaven clean, about this plot.

I'll try my best to explain this.

First thing he says is that "I'm skipping 4D and and going straight to 5D." The other guy just nods and goes along with it. Now, obviously, this guy has no idea what dimensions are. He probably doesn't know that we exist in the 3rd dimension and that we only experience Length, Width and Depth, but Time is only experienced linearly, we can't see or move through it as we can with Depth. Same as how the 2nd dimension can only experience Depth in one way, so can we with Time. The 4th dimension changes that and allows you to see through time as we can with Depth. Any time you see a movie claiming to be 4D you can quote me and sound like a smartass. Of course, 5D is even more preposterous and simply doesn't make sense when applied to a movie...

Well, anyway, he says it was going to be about a robot apocalypse with nanobots and it was also going to basically "a better version of The Matrix but instead of having a visor in virtual reality, they sort of lay back in chairs." Very original. At this point I was wondering where he was going to get the money to make what would surly be a big budget movie, but I'm sure he'll find a way.

Why does this movie seem so familiar?

Then he started talking about his inspiration.

To be honest, I was dying to know where he was able to come up with this amazing plot, and I was overjoyed when he started explaining it. Have you ever heard of lucid dreaming? It's when you, in your dream, are conscious that you are dreaming and you can control what happens.

So, he says that his lucid dream was like "some kind of hyperreality," and was "more real than real life." Now, I'm really interested. More real than real? Sounds like the movie came form a good place. "The colors are more intense and everything was so vivid."

Duuuude...

Wow. That's an incredible story. I can't wait to see this movie about nanobots and a hyperreality. I know I'll be there on opening night. You heard it here first.

Saw (Series) Review

So, this is an interesting series. 

I only started watching it after the entire series had ended, but out of curiosity, I decided to check out the first movie.

I was blown away. (Saw)

I had very low expectations for this movie. I expected a mindless gore-fest, but what I got was a surprisingly plot-driven film, that relied on physiological horror rather than actual violence. For some reason,  I like movie that take place in one small setting. Saw is almost entirely in one bathroom. Two men wake up, chained to two opposite sides of a disgusting bathroom and find a dead man between them. I won't say anything else because it'll ruin it. It's a great crime mystery, and expect a plot twist at the end and everything is connected.

This movie was indie and had a super low budget. The only set they actually built was the bathroom and the movie works well because it's so simple.
Despite having very little violence, this movie almost received an NC-17 rating, which is absurd. That's Hollywood. They know that no one will see a NC-17 movie, so the rating is much more strict for indie films. They'd rather promote their own big budget films.
The entire movie was filmed in just 18 days which is impressive but as a result there was a lot of missing footage. So, during editing, they had cuts to crime scene footage and newspaper clippings and they made the camera choppy and cut all over the place. The film was actually praised for having an "innovating" film style even though it was just to fill up space. Funny how that works out.
Never again would the series be this good.

So, I decided to watch the others. (Saw II)

I wanted to watch the plot continue, so I popped in Saw II. Again, I was impressed. It wasn't nearly as good as the first, but it was still not a bloody mess of a movie like I expected. The feeling of connectivity wasn't quite as prevalent, but it still had a pretty good twist at the end. Not a bad movie, but it's not a masterpiece by any means.

Originally, they weren't even going to make this movie but because the first was such a surprise hit, they decided to shit this one out. Because this movie was a rush job, they decided to take the script of another movie that was going to be made that was really similar to Saw and changed it around, which seems cheap but they claim that if you compared the original to the Saw II script, you wouldn't know they were the same.

Here's where the gore comes in. (Saw III)

Yeah, so this one is much more violent than the last two. That's not to say, it was random violence as I originally thought, there was still a plot, but it's gory as hell. This movie almost has a good message but fails to deliver it in the end and goes straight for the blood. The idea is forgiveness. The character has to decide to forgive people but manages to fail. An okay movie, but a terrible ending. This movie follows one character going through a sereis of traps involving saving other people. For whatever reason, this sort of order annoys me, but it is the pattern that the succeeding Saw movies would follow. Oh, well...

Again, this movie wasn't going to be made originally, but one of the original creators died, so they made it in dedication to him. Seems like a fucked up memorial but whatever...

We couldn't believe they were still making these... (Saw IV)

Saw IV is better than Saw III in my opinion. It's just as gory, if not worse, which is annoying if you're like me and you're trying to follow the plot but by the end of this movie the plot is so fucking convoluted it barely makes any sense. It has a pretty good twist ending. It also needs to be said that I love the opening to this movie. *SPOILER* After the mandatory trap scene, the movie begins and we see a autopsy of Jigsaw. When they take open his stomach, and there's a tape covered in wax which John presumably ate. It should also be noted that for a moment of Saw III, we can see him preparing this tape. Just a cool detail. Anyway, the tape essentially says, "You think this is over just because I am dead. You think you will walk away untested. I am still among you..." I got chills. Awesome way to start a movie

Possibly the worst tagline ever.

Still more tame than I expected. (Saw V)

This one is still pretty good. In this one we have five people all partaking in the same traps. Jigsaw says that they're all self-centered and only look out for themselves. Because of this, they end up competing instead of working together. Of course they're all connected but the connection they discover at the end is pointless and changes nothing. It's like they only threw it in there to make it seem like the movies still had some plot twists in them. They don't. The story is extremely confusing in this movie. I have no idea why all of the sudden they're throwing Hoffman into all of this and I'm getting tired of finding out that there's some new guy who' been working behind the scenes the whole time, at least it's still trying to be connected with the first movie. And for some reason, I love the ending.

Pictured: Hoffman

Here's where the gore was hiding (Saw VI)

Right from the get go, this movie doesn't fuck around. Two people are in a trap where they have to cut off parts of themselves and throw it onto a scale. The one with more weight survives. Nasty, The main plot focuses on the head of a health insurance company, and Jigsaw forcing the man to live by his own brutal logic. Jigsaw hates the idea of this man choosing who lives or dies. This one is okay but, like Saw III, suffers from a terrible ending that seems to give off the message that violence solves everything.

Oh, my God... (Saw VII)

Saw VII, also known as Saw: The Final Chapter, also known as Saw: Endgame, also known as Saw 3D. I have a lot to say about this film and as the latter title suggests this movie is just full of horrible 3D gimmicks. This movie is just atrocious... it was the only one where I just couldn't wait for it to end. The Gore is unbelievably over the top and unnecessary and you can tell this entire movie was a rush job.

For starters, the directer didn't even want to make it. He was on his way to start another movie but he was under contract and had no choice. He hated the script and wanted to change it but the sets had already been built and there was no going back. Because Saw VI did the worst out of all of the movies as far as profit goes, Saw VIII, the movie that was intended to be the last, was canceled and the combined with the script of Saw VII. As a result, we have two totally unrelated plots running parallel. The plots have nothing to do with each other. I've always praised the Saw films for using very little CG (which you'll come to find is something I have a bad relationship with) which made the movies seem more real but not in this piece of shit. All of the gore, or most of it, and other effects are CG and it looks rushed and fake. As for the first plot, it's depressing and leaves you feeling cheated out of a halfway decent ending. The second plot is actually interesting. We finally find out what happens immediately after the events of Saw and the scenes with Dr. Gordon are the only scenes worth watching. Honestly, the only thing I like about this movie is the ending. It's pretty satisfying.
I simply don't understand this film. I have no idea what was done that ends Jigsaw's legacy. Why does Jigsaw suddenly want everyone he was working with dead? And besides, what was the point of all of Jigsaw's work? To test a bunch of random people? Why stop all of the sudden? Why not just continue the legacy forever? And besides, and SPOILER ALERT not like it matters but, wouldn't it have been more interesting if Lawrence had returned, vengeful? It would've made it much more satisfying to see him finally put Jigsaw through the same hell he'd been through. I'd like that much more than seeing him become Jigsaw's follower. The way it ends has no closure. What's Lawrence going to do now? Be another Jigsaw? Nothing has changed. Terrible movie. Just look up the last scene and you'll be fine.

What they should've done instead

Well, of course I'd say that the first should've stood alone and not have had any sequels. But if it was totally unavoidable, I'll try my best to figure out what would've made it a better series.

What I could probably say would be the best thing would be to ditch one of the two plots running through each movie. After Saw II, each movie tends to have both the plot of the police trying to find Jigsaw and then the plot of some guy going through a bunch of tests. These two parts of the movies feel very detached from each other and it gives the films a weird feel, like what's happening is pointless. If they took out one of these it'd be better. Preferably the part that's about people going through a series of tests because it's repetitive and makes it into torture porn. I much prefer the crime side of it, more like the first one with all the mystery and plot twists which began to die down as the films went on. If they simply must have had their gore, then they should've ditched the crime side of it and just turned it into an anthology sort of series. At least then it wouldn't feel so shoddy.

All in all?

It's too bad the series took this direction, and as a critic said, "It's unfortunate the series pandered to the 'What would it look like [if we did this], audience." I wish they had stuck with the physiological horror and while I have a great number of complaints, what I can say is that at the very least, it's good that they tried to keep it plot driven throughout the series. Oh, well...

Let's Talk About Manga...

http://browse.deviantart.com/?order=5&offset=72#/d597e86

See this drawing? I was browsing DeviantART's newest submissions page, (try it some time, it's hilarious) when I happened upon this. Now, there are many things wrong with this drawing. I don't claim to be an expert when it comes to Manga, but I'm pretty decent and I know my way around the style and I can tell you that there are a lot of things wrong with this drawing. Now, I don't want to sound demeaning, (yes, I do) but let's look at what's wrong with this picture...

Where to begin...

How about the head? Let's look at what's wrong here.

Isn't that just the squarest jaw you've ever seen? There is no smoothness involved it just starts. Also, check out the neck. Look how wide the head is! Is your head as wide as your shoulders? Is your neck as thin as your mouth? Hers is. Can you imagine if this was a real person?

So, what's going on here? Check out the hair... It's just a purple growth on the side of her head... It's a stiff mass. Wind and gravity don't seem to have any effect on it at all. Also, the hair just sticks to itself. weird.

Could these possibly be more cliche anime eyes? It's as if the person who made this just thinks that all anime requires is some glinted eyes. It's actually an entire style. The hair, the face, the body is all part of it.

There are quite a few things going on here. First, shoulders. Good, God, they're like bricks. Is she a Lego person? I honestly think, they have more rounded shoulders than she does. Whoever made this could've at least tried to round them just a little. I also, find it interesting how her arms are supposed to be natural and casual, yet the shoulders are perfectly flat and squared.

At least there was some effort on the clothes but the shading doesn't make any sense. Why is there a shadow on her stomach? Is it her bellybutton? I don't get it. Besides that, there's no wrinkles to speak of.  Not even on the skirt.

Really? You couldn't just crop that bit out? No effort at all.

Now you probably think I'm an asshole, (which I am) but I'm only doing this because someone thought it was good enough to submit onto a website. I don't submit things onto DeviantART because I'm not yet confident in my computer drawing skills. So, I'm going to practice more until I'm good. Please people, if your art is no good, don't submit it.

You Have Found a Blog on the Internet.

Congratulations to you, good sir! You have discovered this blog during your mindless bordom! Unfortunately, I cannot guarantee your enjoyment. This page may or may not be to your liking, but to be honest, I don't care very much. Matter of fact, I'll come right out and say that this blog isn't interesting at all. If you want a good blog, you've come to the wrong place. If you want to waste away your precious minutes, awesome. You are my target audience. This blog is humorous (debatable) among other things. If you are the type to get offended or enjoys anonymously sending carefully worded complaints over the internet to someone you'll never meet, you are not brave and this blog is not for you. You will also be totally ignored. If you have a legitimate thing to say, feel free. I will probably not post regularly because I'm lazy as hell, which may disappoint my non-existant fan-base (get over it). So with this post, I kick off this blog. Enjoy it. Y'know... or don't...

I suppose I'll categorize the things I like to do on this blog:

1. Blog posts: General things. Stories, satire, 'informative' articles and the like. Generally humor.

2. Movie reviews/other movie stuff: I really like movies, so I'll post about them frequently.

3. Countdown lists? Maybe. I've already done one.